It was one of those days on the trip when I had a lot of driving all around a busy city. I had 5-6 appointments/ meetings to go to and I knew that it would be a big day of getting from one place to another. I looked at each place on google and worked out roughly what timing would be okay, but of course I had never been to any of these places and never driven around this city before, especially in an 8-metre van. But for me the day began with a sense of excitement, for while I didn't know exactly where I was going, I was excited for the challenge. I didn't give it another thought, until I met a lady before I left who, when she asked about my day and I told her, her first response was, “In that van! Oh my, that’s a big thing to do. Where are you going, can I help you in case you get stuck?” To which my reply was, “I don't know where I am going, I only know where I am heading first up!” She said I was brave and went on her way. I didn't feel brave at all, I suppose over the years I have just been able to take each step as it comes and enjoy the adventure of it. I mean, I didn’t really care which way “google” took me today, as long as I got there in the end. Today, like the past 4 months really, I have been happy to see where the journey takes me and sometimes the detours or unexpected/unplanned roads I have travelled have been the most interesting and enlightening experiences.
So, the question remains, why is it so easy to drive into the unknown around Australia and not so easy for life in general? I can have a rough map of where I want to aim for and then set off and see where it takes me when it comes to driving around Australia. I can actually find it quite exciting and freeing. But when I don't know what is around the corner in my life, I am paralysed.
But in my head, I know that when you are walking on the journey with Jesus, you can read the instruction manual, there are helpful guidelines along the way and you know the final destination. He gives you are a purpose along the way and things to do, and says He wants us to have life to the full (John 10:10). Why can’t that be enough, just hit the road and see where life takes you and Jesus?
Ah, no. Instead, I am in a pickle, because I don't know what is around the corner. I can’t see what is next! As if COVID didn't teach us that even when we think we know, we actually don’t. And yet, I am still unable to just go with the flow. I just can’t seem to live life as easily as a road trip and see the adventure of it so much these days and I suspect I am not the only one.
I used to, but that was when I thought I knew what my future looked like. Like many today, I stare down the future barrel and find so much has been whisked away. It could be you have no job, no marriage, loss of a deep friendship, no idea what ministry looks like, unsure of income and how to survive, loss of house, children all leaving home or all the above. Why can’t I see that God’s end game and promises still haven’t changed and find enough assurance in that to simply take the next step in the journey and trust God for the rest?
It seems I not only want the road map, I want it clearly marked out, so I can see every step of the way. To be fair on myself, I may not need to know exactly where I am going when I drive, but I do know at any time I want to know, I can simply talk to ‘google’. There is an assurance in that for sure. So, I take the approach, ‘I only need to know what I only need to know’. I feel like that is the approach I have lived by for a long time in most things, which is fine until you find that what you thought you knew has changed and now you have no idea what you know. I think I just lost myself in my own writing and yet I think it makes sense (ha ha).
When we don't know what is next and when the ‘why’ is not clear, that’s when I am learning that I am asking the wrong questions.
“Shift from asking why God allows hard things to learning how to rely on Him in the midst of circumstances that make you resistant to trust”. Lisa Terkusrt
Yes, I want to the road map and is that such an unreasonable request? I suspect the key word there is “the”, if I am honest, I want “the” road map that makes sense to me. However, “the” road map has been there since the beginning. It is all there in His word, but it is just not as directional as we would like it or, let’s be honest, it’s often NOT the roads we might personally choose if we were in control. Surrendering to God’s map is what He asks us of all. To let go of your own “road map” and to stop asking why we can’t go in that direction is what we must do. Then all we CAN do is trust Him and learn to be happy with making the next best step at the time, based on where He is leading us.
“Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever."
2 Cor 4:10-18 The message
“Help me Lord, to only need to know what I need to know and trust you for the rest. Help me to stop asking the “why” question and begin to ask “what next”. Lord, I want to thrive and not simply survive, and that means letting go of what I cannot see and learning to enjoy the moment that is right in front of me, knowing you know the final destination.”
No comments:
Post a Comment