True Community

There is something precious that happens when woman of all ages hang out together and are truly comfortable with each other. It is a beautiful thing to be with girls aged 15 and woman aged 70+ for a weekend, and for there to be a spiritual connection, respect, acceptance and love between us all. As we all explored seeing Life through the eyes of a child (Mathew 18:3), the deep conversations and learning that happened for everyone in the room was amazing. There is true joy when walking through life together across the ages yet speaking the same language.

When we have eyes to see, God gives us glimpses of His love and joy and deep sacrifice. The afternoon was spent in laughter and adventure and a visual I may never get out of my head. As Laura was eating snacks she used two of the crackers to make duck bills, it was hilarious and all the girls got into the act. Then the very next morning, those same crackers were used for communion. I got the giggles to think of the visual of the night before, then a joyful smile as I felt prompted by God. I felt Him saying... “I will use the foolish things to bring glory to me. I will use the simple and the ordinary to bring not only joy and laughter, but also to cause you to remember the depths of my love.” Through the ordinary and simple, (communion) many will remember my love. And through the simple and ordinary things (me), He will fulfil His Purposes.

That morning’s worship was lead by the youngest of our group, who chose a song that has touched her heart recently, “man of sorrows”. It touched the older hearts in the room, in its words and sentiment as the song is also almost “hymn-like”, yet with the youngest, almost celtic voice (as described by one of the older ladies), her voice brought all ages together in worship to Him. There is nothing more beautiful than when the ages collide together and draw close to him. Age, gender, culture, upbringing, whether your have more or have very little, it is irrelevant in this space.

As we discovered throughout weekend, for some their childhood was full of wonderful memories, for some there were no positive memories at all. But for ALL their childhood was significant, and whether their family brought pain or joy, all was important to who they are now. For ALL, there was a time in their life, many of them when they were young, where God broke in and changed them forever. For me it was the consistent reminder of how family is a key influence for everyone. I long to see families thrive and be all that Christ desires for them. Pope Francis says “the home is the domestic church.” This particular weekend was the bringing together of the “females” in a number of domestic churches, and as we joined together there was harmony, peace, joy, acceptance and stretching.

The gift of the elders in our community is that they get the value of being, they understand the depth of God’s love and they live in a way that it naturally overflows from them. The gift of the young girls in our community is that they bring joy and passion and energy. They are empowered to question and share and they know how to really listen when wisdom speaks, and they were open. The gift of our community is that there is freedom, respect and true value and acceptance. Here God is at work. Is there any better way to spend a weekend?

My answer is YES, for when something is so wonderful, I ache for those who have never experienced this kind of love and acceptance across the ages in God’s presence. I long to see more and more households and people see that nothing is more Important. I believe God longs for this to be more than a couple of days a year, but for it to be every day, as we walk with HIM and together in TRUE community,

The sadness is that many choose NOT to walk in true community ... and they miss out.

We finished the weekend by asking the question - Is this the life-pattern you want for yourself? And how does this life-pattern affect those close to you?

My continual prayer is “How can I be a part of a movement that helps others see that within the busyness of life and the distractions that are ever present, nothing else matters but walking with HIM and others.

As God simply commands us.....

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and Love your neighbour as yourself” Luke 10:27

HOPE-LESS?

I was excited and felt privileged to attend to a HSC drama performance dress rehearsal this year. It had been a challenging day with a few things that had, let’s say, “pushed my happiness scale,” but was looking forward to seeing some talented year 12 students perform their monologue and group pieces before they actually perform them for their HSC in a few weeks. While their talent was outstanding, I walked out of the theatre feeling more depressed and lacking a sense of HOPE. I have always believed (and still do) that the “creative arts” is a powerful medium to not only communicate the issues of our current culture but to also bring a voice into society in ways that other mediums can’t.

And while I know this was only a small cross section of pieces from one school, but it saddened me to think this even “might” be an accurate reflection of what our young people feel and believe as they venture into society as the next generation to bring about change.

Throughout the night the dramas and monologues sought to address deep issues of misogyny, abuse, marriage, motherhood, identity, politics, good and evil, drugs and sex. There was a lot of swearing, anger, laughter and vulgarity but no real HOPE or answers. It just left the audience with many questions. There was not ONE POSITIVE portrayal of marriage, relationships, government, youth or parenting and certainly nothing positive about God. I felt deeply disturbed as I left the theatre and still do today as I process my thoughts of why all I want to do right now is eat a kilo of chocolate and chips and cry.

The irony of it is that many of these students would possibly feel I was crazy to believe in God and the HOPE He brings to my life, much less the joy I feel when I join with others in community and worship Him. But I can honestly say I that can’t remember ever walking out of a gathering of Christians, be it Sunday or otherwise, and feeling as dirty and hopeless as I did last night.

It really does prove that what we allow into our Psyche can affect us. Moreover,  what we focus on or listen to creates a platform whereby it can effect what we believe or the choices we might make. I believe that is why God says it is important to be in the world and yet not of the world, because the world we are OF will influence who we become.

There are so many directions I could go from this point on. The questions fly around in my head as I ponder the issues last night has brought up for me.

Q: Who are our young people listening to?

Q: How important are the voices of older generations, those who have walked the road before, as our young people open up these issues?

Q: When we live in a post modern world where truth is relative, it is natural that these deep issues are expressed with no answers or real HOPE. The question is how can they be ok with that?

Q: How much do our young people need to expose themselves to this before they get pulled down into an abyss of anger and depression?

Q: How much do we protect and guide our young people without “cotton wooling” them into not being able to have an answer when these issues come flying into their face?

Q: Where are the role models of a BIGGER, healthier Hopeful story and why do we not see more of this in the Christian community as a light to the world?

But in your hearts honour Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15).

So with gentleness and respect and a heavy heart for the world I am in but not OF … I can only pray the words of one greater than all that I don’t understand. I know His response would be ...

Where there is NO HOPE and only questions, He says

I am the way the truth and the life (John 14:6)

I am light of the world (John 8:12)

I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13: 5)

I have come to set you free, by giving my only son to pay the price of all sin (John 3:16)

I have come to bring life and life to the full (John 10:10)

I made you with a purpose, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11)

You are beautifully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing (Matthew 23:37)

There is hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began. (Titus 1:2)

But, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:37-39)

Intentional Parenting

To be intentional simply means to be done with intention or on purpose. The irony is that whether we realise it or not, what we spend our time and money on, what we always talk about, what consumes our thoughts, actually shows us what is important in our lives. We will find the time, money and energy doing what we WANT to do and be very INTENT on seeing that it happens. SO, when parents say they just don’t have the time, money or energy they would like to have to be intentional with their kids, maybe it is an opportunity to stop and think … “what am I intentional about?”

I believe this is one of the very powerful “tools” to use when parenting with the end in mind. When we know what goal we are heading towards as we parent, then the tool of intentionally is key.

A website worth looking at is called “Intentional Parents.” They have as their opening statement, “The average parents follow the crowd. Intentional parents follow the goal.” It is so true.

As my husband and I have tried to be intentional parents for the past 18 years, we know we have fallen short many times, but we have not given up and will continue with INTENT and PURPOSE to do the best we can to help our kids hit their goals and most importantly God’s goals for them. We believe that we as parent have been called to do as much as we can to be INTENTIONAL in 4 areas. We aim to be intentional daily, weekly, on special occasions and in those once in a lifetime moments. And having a goal, an end in mind, has helped us to be Intentional in all these areas.

This started for us before the children were born and it has not stopped on a daily basis for the past 18 years. I’m not sure if it ever stops, it just keeps changing what is required from  us to walk with the kids we have been blessed to parent.

SO what does that mean in practical terms?

• DAILY ………over the year that has meant things like … prayers at night  with the kids when they were young, reading stories that become favourites, being open to the God conversations that can happen at any time,  meal times  together where we say grace and share the “best part of your day.”  I used to sing Georgia a song I wrote her as a lullaby as she went to bed.
  

  

  
  
• WEEKLY – over the years that has meant things like ... technology FREE family night, serving together regularly in ministry, jobs around the house, a special squeeze or shake that is between you and your child, a crazy song that my husband and daughter sing on Friday night because it is the weekend, and many conversations in the kitchen with all of us sitting on the benches. 
  
  
• SPECIAL OCCASIONS – over the years that has meant things like ... key holidays/road trips where we read a book of the Bible a chapter each day and discussed it, dates of one parent and a child doing something special together, yearly family mission trips to Cambodia, creating traditions at Christmas like cutting down a real Christmas tree and decorating while listening to Mariah Carey, watching the “The Passion” at Easter together, camping and water skiing every summer holidays,  birthday mornings where the kids jump onto Mum and Dad’s bed.
  
  
  
  

  
• ONCE IN A LIFETIME – over the years that has meant things like ...Time capsule at 1 year of age to be opened at 18, celebrating starting School with a fun meal, a year of empowerment at the age 13 where key older spiritual people speak into our children’s lives culminating with a celebration of them and a gift symbolizing them moving into adulthood, offering an alternative to schoolies where they can go on a special trip with a parent to conquer a challenging walk, family spiritual journey to go to Israel to walk where Jesus walked and to be Baptised in the Jordan river.

If you are INTENTIONAL and PURPOSEFUL about it you might be amazed how God can use this to create a solid foundation for your kids to walk into the rest of their lives.  Of course there are no guarantees, it has to be their journey, but INTENTIONAL parenting is what we are called to do at the very least.

Here are some other ideas which a small group of parents brainstormed together as we gathered to INTENTIONALLY talk about how to parent with the end in mind.

DAILY : ·         Kisses and Hugs ·         Meals together daily ·         Morning Devotions ·         Pet names ·         Pray before the walk to school ·         Nightly Blessing ·         Debrief from the day over dinner ·         Play board games/puzzles with young children ·         Massage / Shoulder rub

WEEKLY ·         Homework @ the bench ·         Taco Tuesday ·         Kids choose what we have for dinner ·         Park / Beach outing ·         Saturday night board game ·         Pyjama Day ·         Tea party Tuesday ·         Friday night movie night/ dinner in  front of the TV ·         Dinner and movie night OUT ·         BBQ Breakfast ·         Prayer for our sponsor child ·         Pancakes Saturday morning ·         Friday night sport watching

SPECIAL OCCASIONS ·         Family camp/weekend away  ·         Cooking together ·         Lunch together to celebrate end of school year ·         Annual extended family holiday ·         “You’re a star” plate to celebrate achievement ·         Theme park adventure once a year ·         Pizza @ the lighthouse on the shortest or longest day ·         BIG family Christmas ·         Scrapbook memories / celebrate milestones ·         School rewards – coffee/hot chocolate after school ·         Pupil free days – make them special days with the family. ·         Special Dinner on report night ·         Birthday treasure hunts ·         Homemade advent calendars at Christmas ·         Passover with friends and family (food, candles etc) ·         Eat whatever you want on your birthday ·         Favourite dinner on birthday ·         Night before Christmas – read a particular story ·         Christmas light hunting around the streets ·         Camping family recipes ·         Road Trips

ONCE IN A LIFETIME ·         Celebrate Milestones with friends and mentors ·         Coming of age holiday with parent of choice ·         Do a challenging hike with each child at a  certain age ·         Dinner out with Mum or Dad to celebrate  first great school report ·         Coming of age for daughter – pamper  night with Mum and Grandma ·         Shared experience eg. Back to parent’s  home country, Israel – walk where Jesus walked,  special place for parents to share with kids,  a place everyone  has wanted to go. ·         Take you first drive on “L”’s ·         1st Bike – celebrate it ·         Special holiday with someone close e.g. Grandparent. ·         Road trip when they get their “L”s ·         Finishing school celebration with family ·         Big weekend away @ 10 – special time to  talk about puberty ·         Letters from extended family ·         Celebrate engagement and marriage well ·         Climb a mountain and pray together at the top.

If Intentional parents follow the goal …what are you aiming for? The way we spend our time, money and energy shows what we are intentional about. How can you be more intentional?

Parenting with the end in mind

My son turned 18 this year. A rite of passage that is to be celebrated. And we did celebrate it in a number of ways, but there was one thing that we shared as a family that was one of the most precious moments for me of his actual birth-day.

The kids landed on our bed at 8 am in the morning this morning.  They have done this for many years when they were little but that did not happen that often nowadays. Usually it was because they wanted their presents.

But that was not the reason this morning. For 17 years Sam has been waiting to open his “time capsule”.

At the age of 1 we had a dedication with family and close friends at our house. We asked those that came to pray for us and stand with us as parents and would THEY be willing to walk with our child on his “life” journey. We asked each person if they wanted to put something into the time capsule that he would open when he was 18 and today was the day.

Secretly I was hoping it wasn't going to be an anti-climax for him as I couldn't even remember what was in the capsule myself.

Before he opened it I read from a diary I have been writing for Sam since he was only 10 weeks in my tummy, the kids love to hear stories from it over the years. This first entry spoke about the fact that even before he was born he was loved.

Then Sam opened the capsule. In it was, his first dummy, his first ball, his first jumpsuit, his first shoes and his ultrasound picture.  Then there were letters and notes from the people who were present. Sam was like a child again as we all re-lived moments and memories, we laughed and told stories and then he opened a letter from his grandma (Dave's mum) who had passed a couple of years ago.

She wrote that she knew she wouldn't be here to celebrate this special time but she thanks him for the joy he brought to her life and that she will see him in heaven. Well, we all lost it emotionally at that point and cried together, but what a precious message from beyond the grave. A collision with his grandparent, even one that had passed away.

There were many precious stories and letters from people who are still in his life, some have moved far away, others are still close by and others who thought they wouldn't be alive but are...but what a special morning to share together.

Sometimes speaking into a person’s life doesn't have to be a hard thing to do, sometimes it takes simply writing a few intentional thoughts on a piece of paper. Sometimes it is consistently being there, or simply taking any opportunity to have a party with good friends.  It is Intentionally marking moments and always having the “end in mind”. The wonderful thing is that this was a moment for us all, not just Sam, we will all remember that morning for a long time. It takes a little long-term thinking of setting things in place that can create moments that can become anchors for the whole family for a lifetime. On this day, although 17 years in the making, showed SAM that he was always loved and that he will always be. Our prayer as parents is that he will always have these moments where ever he goes, that they may keep him anchored in “love” for where ever he may sail next.

The legacy we leave for our grandchildren

I was at a funeral just recently of a man who walked with God his whole life. He was what I would call a SAGE of the faith, and there are not as many of them in Christendom as there should be.  In fact I often called him “Gandalf” as he was tall and had white hair with a long white beard and was very wise. He was known in our community as GRANDPA, as a large part of our ministry is to hurting, dysfunctional families through a ministry called Southern Cross Kids Camp (SCKC) and Southern Cross Club (SCC).  So all the children came to call him Grandpa. I have only known him for about 12 years and so when you go to someone’s funeral the rest of the story gets filled in. I learned that what he gave to us all and the families in our community was how he lived his whole life. He had many paternal grandchildren ages ranging from 15-25 years old, and each of them wanted to speak at their Grandfather’s funeral. Through tears they told stories of a man that was always intentional about the time he gave them. He took them all on challenging and stretching adventures, and always had a story to tell that was grounded in His faith and walk with God. His adult children shared similar stories and were incredibly thankful for the legacy that their father had left them with.  They shared how this was not something that had been modeled by the previous generation and that their mother and father were creating something new in the family. As one of the sons finished, he said this week he had been asking himself “what do I do now?” He came to the answer,  “to do what Dad did!”  What a legacy to leave.

As we listened to the love and deep faith of this man, in the way he loved his wife, children and grandchildren, it was very moving. They spoke of the special role he played at Southern Cross Kids Camps and Southern Cross Club and how it meant so much to him to give to these children as well. Little did the family know that two of the children who had been at those camps, who are now youth, independently made their way to the funeral to be there to honor his life and say goodbye.  The two walked up to Grandma (the man’s wife) and hugged her after the funeral and she was so touched that they had come. The boy said to her “I missed school for this, but the teachers and my parents understood that this was an important person in my life, so they let me come.” 

Proverbs 13:22 say, “A good life gets passed onto the grandchildren” (MSG).  Everything about us, says something about us. Nothing is wasted and time is short. A funeral has a way of reminding us that life is not to be wasted and to ask the question, ‘what will really matter when all is said and done?’  It will be the time, the adventures, the memories, the love, the way we lived our life that will be remembered and passed on.  The things we stood for. The tears at this funeral were largely for the loss of not having him around anymore, not because of what he didn’t do, or of what he didn’t say, or of how he didn’t live or who he didn’t love. Not only was there the peace of knowing that he is in a better place, but a joy that we even knew him at all.

The number of people who said to me after the funeral, “If my grandchildren speak like that about me at my funeral I will be very happy”, was amazing.  Christ was honored that day, Christ was honored in his life and he left a legacy that will last and bring hope to the next generation. I can only imagine Jesus saying to him in heaven “Welcome, well done good and faithful servant”.

What legacy are you building today? What will be passed onto the next generation because you have lived?