Are our Churches/Children just “seedless watermelons”?

I have always been fascinated with trees. They are so beautiful and majestic.  Each country has its  own unique trees and Jamaica is no exception.

I was stopped by an impressive tree. It was large and strong, the roots were clearly deep as well as coming out in all directions. There was a smaller plant right beside it, being shadowed by it and growing up healthy and strong beside it. The large tree had beautiful reddish fruit on it, which I soon found out was a “Jamaican apple”. 

There are so many things I learn from trees and nature. God challenges me every time with new things. I was given the apple to eat and it was very different to an apple in Australia. It was soft and almost pear/peach like in texture, but it was white and fluffy. As I was enjoying the fruit, I noticed it had a large hard seed in the middle.

Psalm 1 says “but those whose delight is in the Law of the Lord, and who mediates on His Law day and night, that person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season.”

Leadership, parenting … these are challenging things. They require much delighting in God’s word and His truth to be able to yield fruit. How I long to yield fruit! As I ate the apple, being such a new experience, I loved the reminder of how nourishing fruit can be and how precious it is to be able to bear fruit for others to enjoy. How important it is that we as leaders and parents actually produce fruit that sustains others, that we focus on how we attract and sustain those we lead, and make sure our fruit is appetising enough that they want to eat it. Which is hard these days, as there are so many other options than a healthy piece of fruit, which are available all the time, not just in season.  You know how horrible it can be when you eat fruit that is out of season, and that just can’t compete with the many other sweet and now artificial options that our children and people would much rather eat than healthy and natural fruit. 

But this big large seed that I was left with, caught my attention. It was hard and strong and significant. Of course you can’t eat it, so we often throw it away after eating the fruit. Well, at least in the western world we do. So, as I was about to throw it away, I realised that this is such an important part of the fruit.  Without the seed, there is not new and sustaining life. The seed needs to be replanted for it to grow. 

It is one thing for me as a leader or parent to delight in the Lord so that I may grow and yield fruit, but if that fruit is not then taken, consumed and replanted, its enjoyment and value only lasts for moments. Very quickly we find we want more and more of the light fluffy flesh without understanding the fruit has a seed of replenishing life that is important to be replanted for life to continue. 

It made me consider in Western Society how much we love

the “Seedless Watermelon”, a recent human creation to make the fruit easy to consume. When we serve fruit platters we cut out all the seeds so it is all easily consumable and looking ascetically pleasing. I know I love mandarins, (which are small oranges), but I specifically look for the ones with no seeds because the number of seeds in a normal mandarin drives me crazy to eat. Our children today are growing up believing that Watermelons and Mandarins have no seeds. Sure, it is much easier to eat, but what does it say to our children? What does that subconsciously teach us all?

I wonder how many of our churches, our programs, our ministries are like “seedless fruit”? Tasty and attractive, but without seeds that get replanted into the souls and hearts that come, so that they might be able to grow and yield their own fruit?  How often are our churches centred around the leader’s spiritual strength, that might come from delighting in the Lord and His word and bearing fruit that is delicious to eat, but by the next week those that came last week are craving for more to sustain them another week? 

Francis Chan tells a story of a Mega Church pastor in Seoul. He asked “How can I get my people to leave and live by faith? He explained how he had become really proficient at gathering people together but his intention was to get them to disperse to share the Gospel and live by faith. But now they had grown comfortable and didn't want to leave” (F. Chan, “Letters to the Church”, p 153)

As parents, we can be so meticulous about cutting up bite sizes of fruit and taking out the seeds or much worse feeding them substitutes to healthy fruit all together and not actually giving them the seeds of what they actually need to grow up and bear their own fruit.  Please, know that I am not just talking about feeding our kids healthy fruit with seeds here. (Although that is important as well). 

Whatever space we are in as leaders or parents, let’s be careful that we are bearing fruit that comes with a seed of truth. 

   “A farmer went out to sow his seed” Mathew 13:3

A seed of truth that can be replanted and grow independent of us being there. We are called to plant the seed, and God will grow it, but if we are only giving out fluffy, sweet fruit with no seeds, we have missed the point of being planted deeply in God and the blessing that comes with it.  This is not about yielding a fruit for ourselves, or unto ourselves, or drawing people towards us. It is so that the seed of truth may not only prosper in us but also spread to the ends of the earth.  

I want to see my children grow and become bigger, stronger trees than I can ever be. I long to see those I am called to lead, go and plant their own trees and reproduce over and over again. But it must start with me and the question, “Am I bearing seedless fruit?”

A "Royal" Mission

The recent Royal Wedding captured so many of us around the world; the “true fairytale” in so many ways. Much of the world stopped...I watched it on a laptop during my lunchbreak at a conference. The castles, the carriage, the dress, the tiara … it was all beautiful and brought joy to so many people, of course much more to Megan and Harry. In Australia it seems worlds away to have castles and guards and open-top carriages, marching bands and titles like “queen”, “King”, “Duke” and “Duchess”. 

When we think of castles, we think of wealthy, privileged and blessed. Positions (titles) and opportunities where people are treated in a special way. The perception is that “princesses” and “princes” have all they need, can do all they want, when they want. While there is some truth to that, we all know that to a much greater extent, with “much power comes much responsibility” and there are a lot of challenges in these positions. But let’s just stay in the fairytale for a minute. 

I said to someone in passing while watching the Royal Wedding that “In Australia we don't have castles.”  I know, like myself, many little Australian girls long to be a “Princess” and many boys a “King or ‘Prince”. Nearly every Disney movie has the same theme and they keep bringing them out because it captures something for us all that we secretly long for. Harry and William, and now recently Megan have helped this as they project such an amazing life, or so it seems. Then it struck me, maybe we do have castles and princes and princesses in Australia. They just look different. 

I saw a vision of the castles many of our children in Australia have around them. They have their own spaces, bedrooms/playrooms, filled with every toy and thing they desire, with servants (parents) hovering around them, “cotton wooling them” to make sure they are safe and don’t get hurt. Our houses are often surrounded by walls/gates sometimes with an alarm, to make sure they are safe. Education is easily assessable to them, yet they endure it. If they are sick, they have the capacity/resources to get help, even having elective treatment for cosmetic/exterior (non-essential) procedures because they can and need to keep up with their friends.  May I go even so far as say they have security guards (Parents) making sure that they are safe as they venture out to do ballet, drama, soccer, art, speech. As they are chauffeured around, there is little they have to do without; food when they are hungry, entertainment at their fingertips, every form of opportunity to learn all forms of the “arts” and more. We create stages for them to perform on and no matter how untalented they are, they are told how wonderful they are and get awards for giving it a go, protecting them from the truth in fear that we might hurt their feelings. At the end of every transition of education and/or extra curricula activity there is a ceremony, where they pretend to be the “princesses” and “princes” they long to be. This is starting even at the age of 5 in some places as they transition from Preschool to School. It is sometimes hard to keep up with and get to all the occasions. 

I know this sounds like a very negative slant on our “privileged life”. I know that we have only done all this out of a desire for the best for our kids.  But if it was BEST then why are our kids so Troubled? Entitled? Bored? Depressed? Stressed? Suicidal? So many sit on top of their ivory castles, looking out at the world, and although they have everything they are lost.  I walk with many of them and it breaks my heart to hear their daily struggles and how they see the world. 

It scares me to hear that the highest rate of suicide is in some of the more opulent suburbs of our country. 

What a castle we have created for our children, in the hope that they will be happy and safe and yet all we have created is a place that traps them from exploring the adventure of life, to discover that happiness comes through conquering adversity and that true growth comes from falling down and getting back up again.

Church leaders add to that as we create another place for them to be entertained, safe, comfortable, in hope that they feel loved and a sense of belonging. I wonder what we can teach them when we are wrestling with the same “lostness” at times.  Recently, a children's ministry leader, when hearing about how children in poverty see Jesus as their hero asked, “How can they be happy and see Jesus as their hero when they are poor?” The lady working in these poor countries graciously said, “It is not in what we have but who we are in Jesus that gives these kids cause to call Jesus their hero.” The Western worker was stunned. If we as adults, parents, leaders in the Western world don't get the key to “real and fulfilling love and life” then we will keep protecting our kids, saving them and shielding them from this important part of growing up. We think that building castles around them is actually the right and loving thing to do, but it is weakening them from the inside out.  

What good is a castle if it doesn't build strength and security and a positive hope for the future? What good is all the privilege and opportunity in the world if it doesn't lead us to freedom and empowerment to be a part of positive change in the world around us?

The fact is we ARE all a part of His royal family. He has gone to prepare a mansion for us. For so many children in Australia, even the incredible blessings we do have here on this earth NOW are being wasted, because it is either not enough or we have believed the lie that we deserve more.  We are busy building our castles and Jesus is wanting to break in and help our children see the simple truth, that none of this will matter in the end; what you do or don't have. What will matter is what you did with what you were given and how you used it for something greater than yourself. We are called to be “producers” not “consumers” in this world. A good “King” or “Queen” knows that is the end goal. How can we help our kids come out of their “castles” and experience life to the full? I want to be a part of that “Royal” mission.

The "Parent" Dance

In England, there is a famous “ritual” called the “Changing of

the guard”. It is a very clear signal of change. The old guard forms on the north side and the new guard forms on the south side, a royal salute signals the handing over of the old guard and the new guard. There is a sequence, everyone knows, there are no surprises, nothing unsure. The march is set and the change is clearly complete. It is full of intentionality, ceremony, celebration and pride. It is done with expertise, precision and it is very clear, the old guard is OFF and the new guard is ON.  People travel from all over the world to see it, but it is more than ceremony, it is fulfilling a very important job of protecting the monarchy of England. 

There are many times as a parent, that the duty is clear, the “march” is set out, the change is obvious. The times in life where your child starts school, moves from primary school to high school, when they can drive, from a legal perspective when they can drink alcohol, when they are legally able to go to a club, when they move from single to married. These are obvious signs of the “change”, the old has gone the new has come, things have changed. We (or maybe it is just me) like to live in the black and white zone … knowing what is right and wrong, what is a YES and NO, what has come and gone, where we stand, basically on everything. It is so much easier. 

And YET… parenting is more often than not, a DANCE, rather than the “Changing of the guard.” I can just see the comical portrayal of what the “Changing of the Guard” would look like as a dance; a back and forward, teetering from ‘yes’ to ‘no’ to ‘yes’ to ‘maybe’ to ‘are you sure’ to ‘YES’ to ‘rack off’ to ‘if I have to” to “no.” I probably lost most of you then, but that is the dance that goes on in my head as a parent of teenagers learning to become adults. 

The challenging, yet never boring “dance” of a parent who longs to walk alongside their child, empowering them to become an adult and yet never quite knowing which step to take at times, to lead them towards the end goal.  Never quite knowing when we are leading or following, coming or going, listening or speaking, stepping up or stepping out, and at any time a quick “change step” must happen, which often takes you by surprise.

I wonder what that looks like in your world?   For my world, it’s the time where she wants her independence shopping, until she wants me to go to the toilet with her, or when she wants me to pay for something. It’s the time when he wants to stay out late as long as he wants, until he needs a lift home and we are to drop everything and go and get him. The time when she can drive and have independence until she crashes and needs saving to get back on her feet again. The time where he moves out, until he gets stuck and needs to save more money so he wants to come back home. The time when you can’t touch her or say anything, until she snuggles into you or wants you to say she looks great, and you clearly didn't get the memo. We have all been there. Oh, the dance we dance, when “no” is not always “no” and “yes” is not always “yes” and more importantly when “no” is actually “yes”.

I have recently had the privilege of being intricately involved in the last week of a young woman getting married, the last night in the house before moving into her new house with her new husband, the many preparations of the ‘changing of the guard”, from single to married. And while the changes are clear, the ceremony is well rehearsed, there is pride, celebration and joy, yet it is not without the ‘dance’. It is an interesting place as a parent to say goodbye to your child to marriage, to understand that the rules have changed and to navigate the dance well.  I have watched this family up close. It has been a privileged and a blessing to get this glimpse, before I will dance this particular dance myself in the future. 

That last night in the house, the final signals that a change is about to happen, the joy and sadness all mixed in together. The look of confidence on the new bride as she has everything organised and ready, until one thing goes wrong and she looks at her mum with eyes that say “fix it”. The beauty of dad walking (marching) his little girl down the aisle to the new man in her life and the words she utters beforehand - “don't look at me and I won’t look at you” - for they know they will both be crying with deep emotions that will distract them from this moment. That first dance, as a new bride and groom, which signals the last dance for Daddy to dance with his little girl. Of course, she will always be his little girl, but on this day some things have defiantly changed. Even on this day, where the “changing of the guard” is clear, it’s still a “parent’s dance”, it is exhausting and not easy to do well. But when done well, like any dance, it is beautiful, graceful and a joy to watch.

For a parent, I am not sure if it ever stops. For me this dance has only begun in the last few years, so I am still learning how to navigate it well. But one thing I do know, it is worth it, learning to dance it well. The cost is too high, not to. I have seen too many times when relationships and connections are lost because parents could not dance the dance well. 

I think it helps to name it, talk about it and acknowledge the “dance”. It is a start anyway. It is great to learn and watch others who have gone before and know that even when we mess up the steps, we can still choose to dance again. While I have seen it first-hand recently, it has reminded me of how well my mother and father danced the dance and the strong foundation that has given me over the years. I am so thankful for them and what they have taught me. The challenge is to simply keep getting better at the dance, and that requires practice, practice and practice. So, stay in the dance and never give up. Your relationship with your children is worth it and the gift you give them is a strong foundation to dance their own dance in time.

The air that I breath….when running on empty

I wake up on the eve of a really big weekend that I know I’m am not ready for, a marriage retreat I am  co-leading and I am not as ready as I would like to be and am feeling like "Who am I to be leading this ?" ……..

But the day begins......

My morning view......thank you Lord.

My husband is stressed about some big decisions and jobs hanging over his head today…so I comfort him and encourage him, kiss him and say I believe in him.

My son is wondering around the house stressed because he has lost his car keys and he is late for work  …….I am feeling cold, only in my pjs, no shoes on the cold floor, I have just walked into the lounge and I drop what I was doing and wander around looking for his keys……I find the keys hidden in some clothes in the corner of the room…..he grabs them, says thanks and leaves.

I wake my daughter….who opens one eye and says  “ I don't want to do this monologue at school, I am not ready” ..I sympathise with her ….knowing exactly how she feels, because of the weekend ahead…..knowing that I am partly not ready, because it was her 17th birthday yesterday and the whole day was spent with her (my desire and choice of course) and the house still is left with the aftermath of the party we had last night for her……but I know this moment is about her……so I hold in my own thoughts and say “I know it is tough, but up you get and lets get you ready, I know you will do your best…..thats all you need to do”.   

I kiss my husband as he leaves out the door….thats two gone. 

My smelly dog follows me around, wanting breakfast. She is smelly because she is way overdue for a bath, but I haven't had time to do that lately, and lets be honest if I don’t, no one will. 

My daughter calls out, because she needs an assignment to be printed out on the computer and it is not working. SO, I drop what I am doing again and go and fix that ……okay fixed……..I get her lunch ready ….and then drop her off to school with all her props for her presentation for the day……I just grabbed my shoes and put them on….my hair is wet and a mess, I am not dressed probably, but that is okay I am just dropping her off. 

We get to school and she has no one to help and there is so much for her to carry. So I get out, grab some stuff and help her.  I look a mess as I run into the main school office….but who cares……I kiss her goodbye and tell her she will be wonderful. 

Thats three gone……..I begin to drive home…..my car is on “empty”, I know I will get home…….just….It is 8:32am, I am running on empty already and the day has only just begun. 

I walk in the door, to find the dog sitting, waiting for me …….patiently sitting…..waiting…….I feed her and put the jug on for a cup of tea, that will be nice to start my day…….I receive a text from the RTA….your car’s rego runs out in 2 days ……just a friendly reminder……

Great…..I am supposed to leave sometime today in my car, full of gear to lead a two day marriage  retreat, upon which when I leave on the Sunday at the end of the retreat….my car will be out of rego and I will not be able to legally drive it home.

I sit in silence….with my cup of tea……in a messy house, with messy hair, running on empty and just BREATHE. 

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD………..

……..and everything is alright….I know it will be. I love my life, my family, the opportunities to serve. This is the life of a mum, a wife, a person of faith. It is what we do…..most days it is not always this full on….but many days it is……I know I am loved and valued by my father in heaven and my family here on earth. There are days when it feels like everything I do goes unnoticed and yet I don't do it for that. There are special times when they stop and say thanks…I mean really say thanks. In fact my daughter gave me a card this past mothers day that said all I needed to hear ……it is days like these that I get it out and read it over and over again:

“I love the little things you do….It’s in the small everyday things that I receive your love and it means more than anything. It’s how you make me pizza for school, drive me to the bus stop, wake me up every morning when I could just have an alarm, want to spend time with me, wait for me in the car at singing, love my friends and always willing to listen to me whether it’s about my day at school or ranting about people. You are always there, doing the little things that could be taken for granted, and I’m taking this opportunity to thank you for them all. Not only do I love the little things you do but that’s one of the ways that I feel you love strongly”

AS I breathe that in….I am ready for the day. What do you need to breathe in to get you through you day?

Parenting when you know nothing

Even when you know it is coming, you are never prepared for that moment when your children look at you as if you clearly “don’t know anything.” After all these years of being the one they run to when they are hurt, the one they find comfort in when they feel lost, the one they trust to fix it when things get broken, the one they turn to for advice and wise counsel.  They are special times and I say to anyone with young children ... DON'T WISH IT AWAY. Boy, they seem like easy times now! 

I feel like I am at the stage of parenting where my thoughts really don't count for much, until they need money.  A humbling place indeed! I thought I was tougher. I truly have been heart broken when they look at me as if I come from “mars” and “dis” me without a second thought. 

My biggest challenge is to be quiet and listen and especially to know, when I do decide to speak, what to say. Lately, I feel I am getting it wrong more than right, I feel like I am drowning in a sea of "Speech" bubbles, which confirms that I clearly “don't know anything at all.” Mostly, I am learning to pray a lot, listen more and trust that the foundation we have planted in them is enough. This is not the time to begin developing a relationship. This is the time to have a lot of credit in the LOVE bank to get you through this stage. I am praying I have enough credit to get through.  

I implore anyone with young kids to make sure you fill the bank of LOVE and TIME and RELATIONSHIP and CONSISTENCY to overflowing when they are young. It will be necessary when they hit their teens and young adult years.  

These are the times when you really need a VILLAGE you can trust. I am thankful that we have been able to surround ourselves with great people who can be that voice that I no longer can be in this stage of my kids’ lives. I implore anyone with primary age kids, make sure you intentionally plant other voices in your kids’ lives, people you know you are going to be happy with, so when you hit this stage, you can sleep at night knowing that what you can’t say, they can. 

These are the times when the VILLAGE must understand what “partnership" is and being for you and with you as parents and not against you. I know I have been guilty of listening to kids and wondering what their parents are doing? Now I realise that it is not always fair to just hear the teens’ perspective and not the parents.  When you do life truly together, you see it from all sides and are able to be a support to each other as parents as well as the voice of reason for each other’s kids. 

These are the times when you need your own VILLAGE so you can say to a friend or one older and wiser, “do you believe they said this?” and you instantaneously get that look from them that validates all you are feeling, and that says “OMG, I know how you feel!” You need others to keep you propped up, those who are further down the track, who smile at you in a way that says, “this too shall pass.”

I implore anyone with teenagers to make sure you have parents older than you in your VILLAGE who can assure you it is “just a phase.” I implore anyone with young adult children to make sure you know who you are in God and know that you can trust Him when your children venture out in the big wide world, believing they know everything. Thank God, He never leaves them. 

Your children are always your children, no matter what age they are. You love them and you ache for them and long for them to be happy. When you get to the young adult stage and you are told you clearly “know nothing”, the rules of the game change, so beware and be ready and don't do it alone. 

I am beginning to understand why Paul said, “Parents don't exasperate your children” (Col 3:21, Eph 6:4) It is becoming a harder and harder command for me to achieve. Lord, help me to keep quiet, pray harder and speak less, be patient, and trust that nothing we have said in the past was wasted, even if it might take a long time for me to “know anything” again.

Let the little children come to me!

Recently I sat in a Church service and the children were brought to the front to have a “children's talk.” Today the pastor was teaching on "let the children come to me for such is the kingdom of God.” 

My husband leans over to me and says, “They are speaking your language,” while looking at me with the smile that says, “see, this is not that bad.”  While I honour their intent, it was one of the most difficult things I have endured for a long time.  

Let me try to relive this for you…..

The children sit on the stage looking at the adults. There is a glass window behind them with Jesus holding his hands out drawing all His children unto Him. 

The talk begins for the kids and the adults are watching the kids who are now on show for all.  I see many adults begin to look at their watch or read their bulletin to pass the time while the “Children's talk” is on. The children are sitting very still and look a little uncomfortable as they are staring out at a whole lot of adults. The leader is lovely and tries to talk to them, to engage them and tell them how Jesus never told the children to go away and that he said we ALL needed to become like children to enter the kingdom.  The kids are quiet and still and the teacher is having trouble getting them to respond.  A whole lot of adults looking at you, can be scary. When one child finally does answer in a natural way, there was a laugh that rang through the congregation because her     answer was “so cute.” 

This caused the children to shut down even more,  but to be fair,  I was aware of the love and warmth that was evident in the room despite the strained process that is going on. 

And then after talking about “letting the children come to me, do not turn them away” …the children are asked to leave the room to go to Sunday School. 

Am I the only one in the room who can see the irony in this?

I know in this context, in this traditional setting, it makes sense. It is how “Church” has been done for a long time.  

“One day children were brought to Jesus in the hope that he would lay hands on them and pray over them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus intervened: “Let the children alone, don’t prevent them from coming to me. God’s kingdom is made up of people like these. After laying hands on them, he left.” (Matthew 19:13-15)

This passage is highlighting how the disciples continued to misunderstand Jesus and here I felt I watched it being played out yet again.

The service continues….

Luke18:17 "anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child, will never enter it" 

The Pastor begins to preach on this passage, while the children are elsewhere, taken away so the adults could learn more about being like a child so they can enter the kingdom. (sorry if I sound sarcastic)

He says….. “In the disciples’ minds the children were not important and important people don't hang out with children”

Not sure if anyone else could see the hypocrisy in the room.  Like a “frog in the kettle” here we are sitting in the comfortable, quiet, ordered space, listening to a well-spoken and passionate message, learning that we should be like the children we have just sent away to another room.

The Pastor continues to say, “Jesus says, what the world thinks is important is not what I care about. I care about the powerless and those that are like children. Jesus is constantly going sideways of his culture.”  

The congregation sits in silent agreement.

While I agree, the Pastor is saying that we must value children in this culture, in this setting, but somehow it feels like the actions this morning didn't match what was being said. God sees children as the people they are and He values them. Let them come and do not stop them, Jesus says.  The church should be a place where children are welcomed in and where they meet Jesus, but the cost of that is huge for the Traditional church. 

What are we saying to kids when we send them out? What are we saying to adults if we keep making it comfortable enough for them so they learn and they never have a chance to see what it is like for a child? They never get to learn from kids what it is like to have a “child-like” faith in order to enter the Kingdom when we gather at the church, because we are very rarely together!

He continues on saying, “Camps are great, and a place where kids get to go away and learn about Jesus and then bring it back home”

And while true, I am dying inside, feeling like he gets it, but then doesn’t. It is so wonderful to have a Pastor speaking about children, but what he is saying is only part of the truth. Our language is so tricky. Our western culture is set up to send kids away to learn and encounter Jesus at Camp, Sunday school or Kids Klub, but it is only part of the truth and what we are called to do. 

Then his final challenge to us all 

“Do you talk to them at the coffee break?Is it awkward ? We all feel awkward, but we have to reach out and take time to share the love with kids. It is not easy. It feels like you are all talking a different language. Sometimes it feels like we are watching cats being herded, but that's why we have a children's message, because we want them to know they are welcome. Don’t be the grumpy old church person. Even if it just a smile,  we are put on this earth to lead them and love them.”

This is his final plea to the adults in the room. His great encouragement. At this point, I am really struggling, but I look around the room and everyone is smiling and happy. 

So often the Church is missing the point on so many levels. I suppose we are still like the disciples all these years later…..clueless. I don't know where to start to unpack the experience of that morning, only to say I walked away from that morning feeling sad. 

What does it truly mean to welcome the children? To not hinder them? To love each other as if we are all the children of God? To see the family of God as one big family that needs to learn to love, live and grow together? When we get together as Christians, what did Jesus intend when he said: 

 Let the children alone, don’t prevent them from coming to me. God’s kingdom is made up of people like these.” (Matthew 19:13-15)

"anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child, will never enter it” (Luke 18)

We must be challenged to consider what that should look like today if we followed Jesus example? 

Stop yelling at me

It is always a great day when your son comes and asks for “help”. It is a sad day when you realise that just when you think you are helping, you are actually failing.

I could see my son shut down as I thought that I was answering his question and helping him. Here I am, thinking I am giving such good advice and something he really needs to hear, because, if he is asking for help, he must be willing to hear what wise counsel I have for him. But no, instead he is zoned out and then became quite withdrawn.  I could see I wasn't helping. 

No matter how I tried to backtrack, say it differently, it didn't matter, he was gone (in his mind anyway). 

Suffice to say, the night didn't end well and we all went to bed feeling a little down.

The next morning I went into him to ask him how he was feeling, as I knew how I was feeling and it wasn’t too positive. I love my son and hate to think we are not on good terms.

I asked him "what was not helpful about last night" and he said, "well, I wanted your help and all you could do was yell at me”. This confounded me, as there was no yelling, not even a heated conversation or harsh words, from what I could I remember, unless I missed something or blocked it out. It is not that, that hasn't happened many times, regretfully, but I was certain that this wasn't the case last night. 

As I have reflected later, there was definitely no yelling.  Yet it made me think that communication is an interesting thing. Here I think I am talking and yet my son feels like I am yelling. It didn't matter if it was because he didn't want to hear what I had to say. It didn't matter if what I had to say was completely helpful. It didn't even matter if it was the truth. What matters is that all he heard was “yelling”. 

When I thought I was trying to empower and challenge, Sam heard judgement and that he wasn't doing well enough. 

When I thought he was asking for my help regarding “big picture thinking”, he was asking for some “little practical keys” to help him get started. When he asked for help I thought he wanted to talk about it, when all he wanted was for us to practically do it together. 

So what could seem loving, even wise counsel to one person can simply sound like yelling to another. That is the scary part about communication. 

Richard Rohr in his book “Falling Upward”  talks about the fact that….. 

“from your own level of development, you can only stretch yourself to comprehend people just a bit beyond yourself. Some theorists say you cannot stretch more than one step above your own level of consciousness, and that is on a good day."  (2011)

The irony of our conversation was that the help Sam wanted was about an assignment he had to write, on “How to bring about change and what a leader must do well to help that process?” 

Whoops……fail !!

If only I could have stepped back out of the conversation at the time and been able to do it so differently we may have had a different outcome. It takes good leadership to do that on the run, assessing as you go as to what someone needs to help them make changes, and that's of course when two people are actually on the same page. It is even harder when they are poles apart. Both Sam and I had the same desired outcome, we just missed each other completely. 

We re-grouped in the morning and worked out a plan forward. And eventually I was able to help him. 

But we both learned a little bit more about the kind of communication and listening that is required to actually help others and bring about change. Let’s hope he does better in his assignment than I did that night!

Creating Peak Experinces

Just recently, on a camp I was running with kids, we were teaching about how Jesus is our shepherd and that He knows us by name. John 10 speaks about how the sheep know the shepherd’s voice and follow Him.  Well, I thought what better way to teach them this than with real sheep. Little did I know how powerful this experience was going to be for so many. How unprepared was I for what God was going to teach us all about His love and protection just through 4 little sheep. So, we made a pen, got some sheep for the week and began to dream about how we could bring this teaching alive for the children throughout the week.

The passage speaks about the Shepherd caring for the sheep, knowing their names, protecting them when trouble hits and the difference between the hired hand and the real shepherd. We unpacked this each day at camp by setting up situations and challenges for each of these aspects of the teaching.  

To begin with, the kids were very excited when they got there to see the sheep and we began by setting up a competition to name the sheep. The top 4 names would win and this began our growing affection for the sheep.  The kids were able to feed the sheep from the outside to begin with, which was difficult at first, because when they came to us, the sheep didn't trust us and they were very scared in their new surroundings. There was certainly no trust at this time and no one could get close to them.

We talked of watching over the sheep and protecting them from those who wanted to steal or hurt them. Being surrounded by nature and bush, we knew that there were foxes around our area, and so we talked of needing to have “shepherds of the night” so the sheep were being watched all the time and therefore would be kept safe.  This meant that cabins of kids could apply to be the “shepherds of the night”, which entailed camping out in tents, keeping the fire going (stocked with marshmallows of course for cooking over the fire)  and keeping watch over the sheep throughout the night.  I was surprised how many cabins wanted to do this, more than the nights we had at camp, so it became quite a special experience if your cabin was nominated.  They had to get the campfire started, then got to sit around and sing, tell stories, bond, eat roasted marshmallows and occasionally check the sheep.  They took shifts throughout the night and when I came out each morning about 6.00am to see them there was always someone sitting out near the stoked fire, enjoying the heat and keeping watch. The stories, the bonding, the chance to talk about the commitment of the Shepherd to watch over the sheep, the sacrifice, the loss of creature comforts of a warm comfortable bed, as many nights at this camp were cold and raining, were all great things that they ACTUALLY experienced. 

There were times when the kids wanted to go back to their cabins. They had had their marshmallows, a bit of fun, and it was time to go back. The fun had worn off…but no…they learned the hard way, that it was not just all fun and games. There were mornings where they crawled out of dripping tents with wet mattresses ... all great opportunities for great experiential learning.  All said they were glad they did it, but were not keen to do again. This showed the love of the shepherd, to do whatever it takes to know his sheep were safe, not just one night but all the time.  For some of these kids it was the first time ever to camp out, make a fire, stay up late and sing around the camp fire.  For most it was the highlight of camp. 

In the middle of camp, while the kids were at an activity, the sheep were stolen (all set up of course). The kids came back to find their leaders in the pen with a ransom note saying “Unless you do exactly what we say, you will never see your sheep again”. The kids’ reactions were priceless. They were straight into action, freeing their leaders and then setting off through a series of challenges to finally find the rustlers with the sheep on the other side of the campsite.  When they found them, the rustlers begged for forgiveness, realising they had done the wrong thing and the kids (with encouragement) invited them back to our campfire dinner that night to celebrate that our lost sheep were found. Again, the stories around the campfire that night were priceless. We got the kids to share what happened, and the some leaders shared around picnic rugs with a small group of children, what it meant for them to be lost and found by Jesus in their life. Needless to say those on “shepherd of the night” duty that night were particularly determined to make sure the sheep were safe. 

Throughout the week as I was unpacking the biblical story, I used pictures of the kids I was taking to tell the story, so they were in it, a part of it, experiencing it and for all of us this story came to life in a very new way.  

Each day the kids who were “Shepherds of the night,” got to go into the pen, corral the sheep into a corner and handle them and pat them. Each day this got easier and easier. I got to experience this more than any of them as the group was different each day. The kids on the last day didn't even need to get in the pen. We rustled the bag, called them and they came to us and fed from our hands. This was very different from the beginning of the week, where the sheep were unsure and scared of us and didn't trust us at all.  What a transformation, which we talked about on the last day of camp.  How much more does our Shepherd know us and love us.  We like sheep, still weave and duck and run away. We are helpless and can get easily lost, but our shepherd will always come looking for us, will always care for us and knows each of us by name.

I believe this is an experience that many of our kids and team (and me) will never forget. I will never read that story the same way again. Like many camping experiences, it will go down as a PEAK EXPERIENCE for me and for many of the children at camp, one where they gained a DEEPER understanding of God’s love, grace, patience, and sacrifice. What types of PEAK EXPERIENCES are you creating for you and your kids, young people, your families, that can become anchor points which God can use to secure HIS TRUTH into us all, that we then take with us for the rest of our lives?