Just Following

It was a typical Sunday morning as we prepared to simply gather together, watch the next episode of “The Chosen” and share with each other about what challenged us in that episode. It is always so confronting, moving and inspiring no matter what age you are. 

However, at 9:50am, a woman walked into the building; dishevelled, broken and lost. She was in deep grief. Her best friend had died 5 days earlier and she was not coping. We brought her in, sat her down and allowed her to fall apart. She shared of driving aimlessly around, considering options of ending her life, utter confusion and deep distress.  That morning, something led her to turn into our driveway and to walk into the church building and fall apart. She was met by a psychologist/counsellor who knew to let her talk, cry and share. With this gentleness she was able to be herself. As people began to come into the building, they quickly sensed what was needed and took themselves into the kitchen and other places to allow this woman the safe space she was searching for. 

 

Everything planned for that morning was halted as God had other plans for this little faithful community in Wollongong. We were simply required to offer an empathetic ear, tissues and to cry with her as she shared how she couldn’t see past this moment or how she was going to get through life without her only true friend. The grief was debilitating and so many of us have been in that moment. There were no answers, just the requirement to be present. It is all we could offer. We prayed with her for ‘peace’, gave some practical help in the moment and she went on her way. 

 

As people poured out of the kitchen to ‘mill’ and continue the morning, we felt privileged that this woman had felt safe enough to walk in and allow us to sit with her in her grief. And that we were flexible enough to put everything we had planned on hold to be what she needed in that moment.

 

The episode we watched unfolded many parallels to what had just played out in our small community that morning.   Jesus was walking away from a big city where Mary of Magdala had been turned away from entering the temple, her distress ignored, and so they headed into a small town on Sabbath. Jesus was sharing with his disciples about how he was over the big towns and religious rules and was hoping to find something different in the small town. As they walked into the temple the rabbi was reading the scripture. Jesus stopped all that was happening as he saw a man, broken and alone with a withered hand. Jesus walked up to him and healed the withered hand and then walked out, while the Pharisees were indignant and angry about the disruption and breaking of all the rules of Sabbath and the program that was planned in the temple that day. (Mark 3:1-6)

 

“The sabbath was made to serve us; we weren’t made to serve the sabbath”

(Mark 2:28)

 

I couldn’t help but wonder how many church services and structures even today would allow ALL to stop and focus on one who needed the most healing and hope.  Even if the church wanted to care for such a person, would they be taken to a quieter room, while the service got started and most people got on with the planned program for the morning?  Here in our little community, as with Jesus in the small temple, everything stopped, everyone else went to the quieter room and allowed this woman to be the main thing, have the main focus. And our people graciously and lovingly knew it was the most important thing, unlike the Pharisees.   

 

The question came in the discussion after the watching the episode, “Who are we most like, the Pharisees or Jesus?”  One of our most humble and wisest women answered, “it depends on the day and the time. We certainly know what it feels like to act like the Pharisees”. We are all aware of our inadequateness. However, today, as a community we had been Jesus to this woman. 

 

In this moment, on this day we had been able to, even when we felt we had very little to give, to show ‘love’ to this broken lady.  Who knows where she would be now if we weren’t there and able to be present for her in her desperate time of need?  God was gracious in that day to show us that ‘small’ may feel like ‘failure’ by Church standards today, but not by God’s standards.  He is looking for the faithful, the ones willing to step into His agenda, rather than ours. He is looking for people who are looking for a ‘spirituality’ rather than ‘religiosity’. He doesn’t care about the building, the program, the performance, the rules, the runsheet, the sound, the lights, even the sermon. Jesus on that day, interrupted the Rabbi at the front preaching the sermon and made it clear that they had missed the most important thing at that moment. On this day, He let our community know we were His. He reminded us that everyone who walked into that space, no matter what the plan was, needed to know that in that day. It is so easy to compare, question, wonder why! Our small community has been through much loss and pain and yet as we continue to be faithful, and show up, He continues to show us, as Jesus did with His small band of followers, that is all He asks.

 

There was a conversation between the ‘sons of thunder’ (two brothers)  on that episode that day. They were discussing how bewildered they were feeling as they were looking around at their small, unique and very different band of men and woman called the “disciples”.  One said to the other,

 

            “I don’t understand most of this, maybe, bits and pieces here and there, 

but mostly I am just following.”  (The Chosen, Season 2, Episode 6)

 

It struck me, I know this is how I feel most days. However, today I am thankful that I get to do life with a small, unique and very different band of men and woman called “ICentral”. We are just following and thank God it is all He calls us to do. 

I encourage you if you haven't seen it to watch the series "The Chosen".

https://watch.angelstudios.com/thechosen

 

When will I learn?

I have always gained great comfort from the Psalmists who wrote so many psalms beginning with a plea for help as they cry out to God:

 

Ps 57:1  Be good to me, God - and now! I’ve run to you for dear life. I’m hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over.

Ps 119:105-112. Everything’s falling apart on me, God, put me back together again with your word.

 

Ps 64: 1 “Listen and help, O God. I am reduced to a whine and a whimper, obsessed with feeling of doomsday”

 

Ps 86:1-2 Bend an ear, God: answer me. I’m one miserable wretch! Keep me safe – haven’t I lived a good life? Help your servant -I’m depending on you!

 

Ps 102:1-2 God, listen! Listen to my prayer, listen to the pain in my cries. Don’t turn your back on me just when I need you so desperately. Pay attention! This is the cry for help! And hurry – this can’t wait.

 

Ps 130:1-2. Help, God – the bottom has fallen out of my life! Master, hear my cry for help! Iisten hard! Open your ears! Listen to my cries for mercy.

 

Ps 142:1-2 I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. I spill out all my complaints before him, and spell out my troubles in details.

 

At first, I would keep reading them and take solace in that fact that I plead the same thing over and over again. Every day is a new challenge to get back up and try again. But in any given day that I feel like I am stronger and can move forward, something happens and pushes me back 2 or 3 steps again.  I would feel like a failure over and over again, wondering will I ever get there? I took comfort in the fact that many of the Psalms begin with a cry out for help, and it is not always a whimper, it is often a demand using words like “help”, “listen”, “pay attention”, “listen hard”, “plead”, “open your ears”.  They are often said with exclamation marks after them that feel very demanding and desperate. I was always taught to pray with respect and to begin with ‘thank you’ and “praise you God for…”.  I know it is the way Jesus taught his disciples to pray and I want to be respectful indeed, but if I am honest I do find joy in the Psalmist’s cries of desperation. It is real and raw and helps me feel less like a failure and more like a normal mortal, who is simply struggling. 

 

But today as I read more Psalms begging God to help, I was comforted by something different. For a while now I have judged myself for wondering how long will I take till I never waver from His love and grace?  How long will I sing this whining song?  How long will it take till I learn and move forward?  I don’t know if you have ever felt stuck, like you are in a holding pattern and you just want to stop going back to the same old pains and struggles over and over again. I know it is how I feel all the time lately. I just want it all to stop. I long for the renewing of the mind. These words feel like a broken record and yet I find comfort in them when I read another Psalm that says: 

 

Ps 70: 5 But I’ve lost it, I’m wasted God – quickly, quickly! Quick to me side, quick to my rescue! God, don’t lose a minute.

 

Ps 77:4-6 I’m awake all night -not a wink of sleep; I can’t even say what’s bothering me. I go over the days one by one, I ponder the years gone by. I strum my lute all through the night, wondering how to get my life together.”

 

So, there is a small comfort in the reminder that if it was so easy to move forward, there would simply be one Psalm and not over 100 of them. The reality is that just as much as our human nature needs to hear things over and over again, we often do need to keep realising it is a journey and it takes time for restoration and re-storying. 

 

I took small comfort in the fact that there is something powerful about not feeling alone. But today I was struck by the fear there is something dangerous about staying there.  Many of the Psalms start in pain, but they don’t stay there. I realised that I had to stop myself from quickly moving over the “hopeful positive” statements to seek another verse where the Psalmist was crying out for help. I was reminded that is it maybe more important where you end, rather than where you start. It Is okay to plead, whine, cry out, demand help, acknowledge pain and struggles as long as you don’t stay there. And this is where possibly when the learning occurs. I must stop berating myself about why I am I still sad and lonely and change the destructive self-talk of “when are you going to learn, Tammy?” to asking different questions like: 

 

Am I still in the same place I was three years ago?

Are my dark days as dark as they used to be? 

When I am struck by pain, do I stay in the darkness as long as I used to?

When it hurts deeply and I feel the pain, do I stay there, or do I move through it?

Is my focus on the pain or the promise of hope that comes on the other side?

 

When my answers to these questions are “no” then I am learning and growing and changing, be it ever more slowly than I would hope for. When my desire is to focus on the hope more than the pain, I am heading in the right direction and it is all He asks for. I am challenged to “be still” and ponder the way each Psalm ends rather than my focus staying on the way it begins. While many of the Psalms begin with pleading and begging for God to help, they always end with: 

 

Ps 57:11. “Soar high in the skies, O God! Cover the whole earth with your glory”

 

Ps 64:10 “Be glad, good people! Fly to God! Good-hearted people, make praise your habit”.

 

Ps 86:17. “As you, God gently and powerfully put me back on my feet”. 

 

Ps 102:28 “Your servants’ children will have a good place to live and their children will be at home with you”

 

Ps 130:7 “…With God’s arrival comes love, with God’s arrival comes generous redemption”

 

Ps 142:7. “….your people will form a circle around me and you’ll bring me showers of blessing!”

 

Lord, I continue to pray for your strength daily, to keep my focus on your message of hope, love and grace. Help me to learn more about that each day and to learn that "to sing your praises is enough".

Do you know you can never be UNCHOSEN?

There is a powerful TV series called “The Chosen”, which follows the life of Jesus, but in a way that I believe has never done before. While I am happy to unashamedly plug this series as a must for everyone to watch, I was struck by the power of the title for me today.  While this series is all about the life of Jesus, it is woven through stories of the many who walked with Him and those He had chosen.  The title of this series invites us into the story rather than being just a spectator and asks us to consider what it means to be ‘chosen’. To be chosen is a very intentional invitation. It tells us that we always belonged, that you are pursued, seen and wanted.

 

The opposite is to be Unchosen. We all know the pain of not being chosen for something. Life soon teaches us that painful lesson. But there is a deeper pain of being Unchosen. It is worse than ever being chosen in the first place. It is like being given the seat of honour and then being told it was a mistake and you must move. It is like making the team and then being ousted soon after. It is like being awarded a leadership role or certain job you have always wanted and then being sacked. Maybe you have experienced having a special relationship, romantic or otherwise, and then watch them un-choose to be with you. Maybe you have been kicked out of your family or friend’s circle. It can be as thoughtless as to be unfriended on social media or as deep as choosing to sever a long term, lifelong friendship and commitment. We see it all the time in divorce and family breakdown. We have tried to make it normal, or common or just a part of life. And while it is a big part of this broken life, we want to minimize or not talk about how deeply it hurts and changes us from the inside. It is an intentional decision to NOT be connected and it is very painful to have something and then watch it be taken away. Sometimes we have done something to deserve this loss and sometimes it is just pure rejection and the cruelty of life. It is hard not to take it personally, not to see it connected to your worth and feel the constant feelings of rejection and failure that make you feel unpursued, unseen and unwanted. In this life we will all experience it at some point, it will cut deep to the core of who we are and many never truly recover. 

 

Then I watch “The Chosen”. This powerful account of people who met Jesus in all levels of being unchosen. Whether their choices got them there or not, whether they were worthy or not, Jesus calls them CHOSEN. He calls them each by name, sees them, pursues them, loves them and transformation happens.  With Jesus they can NEVER be unchosen. We can NEVER be unchosen. I can NEVER be unchosen. This is not a simple statement to say, isn’t it wonderful that “Jesus loves us, this I know for the Bible tells me so”. If we truly get the depth of being CHOSEN, it is actually the answer to the deep pain we carry from being UNCHOSEN. 

 

“For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced—beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”   (Romans 8:38-39 AMP)

 

I needed to hear that today. I wonder if you need to hear that as well.   We need to hear it above the voices in our life and more so in our head that constantly tell us we are unchosen, unwanted, unloved, unseen. That is the voice the enemy wants us to hear the loudest. As you venture through the series “The Chosen” you see the human struggle of many who find it so hard to believe it as well, and I am thankful that I am not the only one. They had the privilege of walking with Jesus side by side and yet they still struggled. But though they struggle, it doesn’t change the truth.  With Jesus they can never be UNCHOSEN, we can never be UNCHOSEN, I can never be UNCHOSEN. 

 

Lord, help me to know that the only hope I have is to let those words heal me. Help me  to lean into your truth daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes as each minute passes, until I know that I know that you CHOOSE me, call me by name, save me, see me and pursue me with your unending love. Then one day I may believe that it is enough to be CHOSEN by you, and nothing that happens to me, or no amount of UNCHOOSING by the world around me will matter. 

 

At the very least I challenge you to watch “The chosen”, it will definitely be worth your time. 

https://watch.angelstudios.com/thechosen

COVID - An iceberg of titanic proportions

The Titanic movie was an epic movie. Many would know and smile at the mention of the movie, a tale of a mega ship created to change the world at the time it was built.  A huge ship with all different layers and classes of travel, something for everyone, who were off for an amazing journey. The story begins to get interesting when two passengers have the gumption to cross classes and connect together. And then all hell breaks loose when the ship, which was supposed to be unsinkable, hits an iceberg and over time the damage is enough to send the whole thing crashing to the bottom of the sea. While I love the drama, adventure and romance of the movie, I remember a scene of a violin quartet standing on the deck of the ship continuing to play as the ship went down. Was it denial, was it acceptance, was it simply the English stiff upper lip, proudly going down with the ship, doing what they have always done?  

 

In a throw away conversation with a colleague we joked about how hard it is to “turn the ship” when it comes to thinking about doing church life across the ages. After what feels like 15 years of exploring life in community together, across the ages, I am still shocked when I find myself in a conversation with people who are still asking how it is even possible to grow, serve, learn and worship across the ages. The ship is simply not turning and it made me think about the “Titanic”.

 

The many decks, the many classes, all keeping separate and not mixing. The fact that the titanic was sinking and most people had no idea until it was too late. The rush to the life rafts to discover there wasn’t enough of them, because no one truly believed that the Titanic was ever able to sink.  The ship was designed for comfort and style and order and class, not practicalities. This mega ship was unstoppable, it was going to be honoured and adored by the world as the world’s largest ship. After all, biggest is best.

 

It feels like for centuries we have been building the unstoppable, unsinkable mega Church. One that has many rooms, many activities, many segregations, many specializations, all to keep everyone occupied in their own way. The captain is very removed from the people and all with the desire to get as many people saved and to the other side of this world to eternity. Like the ‘Titanic’, the institutional church was built all with the best of intentions and yet seems to be missing the real practicalities and purpose of community and life together.  And once it started sinking, the panic of personal survival meant that community and care for each other seemed to be thrown overboard. 

 

My colleague said, “maybe we need to strategically place some icebergs” in order for people to re-think. I can’t imagine any more of an iceberg than COVID-19 on the world stage. Yet it seems as if the church is like the quartet of violinists standing on the deck and playing their music (with masks on of course) as if all will be ok if we just keep doing what we have always done. 

 

On the Titanic, as the ship was sinking, the life rafts were only small and only a few people could get on each. There wasn’t enough and many people drowned as a result. This is a very interesting visual. Just to state, I am not about sinking ships or churches for that matter, but I do believe in the ‘life raft’. I do believe the ‘life raft’ is the kind of community Jesus built and He wanted us to build thousands of them. I do live in such a ‘life raft’ community. It is rich, strong, life-giving, safe and yet vulnerable, exposing and real. Sometimes we really feel like we are tackling a large sea in a little raft, holding on for dear life. But this is when faith, what you believe, and knowing who will be stay with you through the good and bad, really reveals itself.  

 

COVID continues to rock us all, it has sunk many and most are wandering around the sea in big empty ships feeling like what next? The ‘life raft’ is as real now as it has ever been. True, real community in small spaces, where everyone knows each other, love and accepts each other. A place where age, culture and class is irrelevant, but faith is necessary. Wow, that sounds like the early Church to me. I challenge you to take a risk and jump into a ‘life raft’ and experience transformational life.  In 2022, is there any more to lose?

 

 

 

 

Don't 'fail' to learn

I went to watch the sunset this morning to put into practice the new things I am learning about taking a photograph in manual mode. Up to this point all my photos have been in automatic and I was enjoying that process, it was working. For me to look through the lens, enjoy what I see and frame it right has given me so much pleasure. It allowed me to adventure and discover so many new things. I knew it had its limits, but what I was experiencing in those limits was still enjoyable.

 

This year I have decided to try to stretch myself, go out of my comfort zone and try to learn to shoot in the manual mode. So many had been telling me it allows you to do so much more. I believe it, I just can’t understand it … yet.   So, I have been doing a course online and today it was time to give it a go. 

 

It was a beautiful morning; calm, picturesque, a serene sunrise, the harbour was sparkling, and for August it wasn’t even cold.  I set myself up and began to try to take a picture with all my new information.   Nothing worked, nothing made sense, all I had learned had disappeared and the camera would not do anything I asked it to. Most times it wouldn’t even take a photo at all, and I know it was because I had no idea what I was doing.  It was not an enjoyable experience. I even tried to slip back into automatic and try to capture something, but even that didn’t work the same, nothing seemed to work. 

 

I packed up and headed to the car, feeling very sad and frustrated.  People saw my camera gear and spoke to me repeatedly as they walked past, saying, “What a beautiful morning, did you get some good shots?” I had no confidant answer for them and as I pondered, I realized I didn’t even see how beautiful it was this morning. I missed the whole sunrise.  What would normally have been a lifegiving and joyous experience just left me feeling empty and dejected. I got into my car and just cried. I felt panic and a lack of confidence and I wanted to give up. This was all too hard. 

 

Now I know that my tears were not just about missing the sunrise, or not being able to make my camera work. I know this experience triggered a deeper pain of being completely out of my comfort zone and having to try something completely new, when all I really want to do is to go back to the way it was.  It triggered fear, shortness of breath, pain, loss, sadness about my current reality. You know that change, when you are going along in automatic, life is good, life is great and then suddenly, all the rules are changed, and you have no idea how to function in a new mode. For so many the rules are changing daily even, and we are all trying to simply function, and nothing makes sense anymore. You just sit and want to go back to that way it was or give up because it is all too hard.

 

These past 2 years has been this way for so many people, on so many levels. On a world scale, we are all struggling with the challenge of change and new rules and guidelines being thrust upon us. You name it, it has happened. There is no easy way to navigate what seems to many of us something that we can’t see the end of. And yet like many, for me, COVID has not even been my greatest and most challenging change. 

 

So, I ask myself, why I am doing this to myself right now, changing up one of the few things that has been my lifeline in these difficult times? Should I just go back to ‘auto’ photography and give up learning something new?  The easy answer is yes, but in my world right now where so much is out of my control, maybe it is one thing I can change, renew, improve, strengthen. The one place where at least I have the control to choose to give something new and scary a go. A place where my bruised and battered confidence may have a chance to beginning re-sorting itself, preparing me to feel that I can face the bigger challenges of life that will really matter. A little step that will help move me from feeling “paralysed” and “hopeless” to be able to breathe again and step into a new world with renewed “hope”. 

 

Randomly I received a message the night before from someone who doesn’t really know me. I thought it was strange when I read it that night, but as I re-read it this morning I wonder if God knew I would need it this morning: 

 

“God has amazing things in your future, Things you’ve never imagined but to get there you’re going to have defeat some big giants, overcome some big obstacles, outlast some strong opposition. Why this is happening you do not know, but you must stay strong and show the opposition that you’re more determined than they are. God didn’t bring you this far to leave you. The problem is not there to stop you. It’s there to prepare you. This challenge will not defeat you.”

 

I must believe that if I can push through this difficult, unknown, clueless time of not knowing how to take a photo in manual mode, then in the end a new and exciting world of possibilities can be open to me. Even though I can’t see how this is possible yet, I choose to believe it is.  But greater than that I choose to believe this for life, my every day, for my family, for those I walk with and for the world. 

 

You can’t see it yet, your messed up HSC, your lost job, your broken family, your shattered dreams, your wavering health, your lonely and rejected heart, your painful loss that makes no sense … it’s not easy. What is one thing you can do today to simply build hope and life into this day? What is one thing you can do today that is new, stretching, one thing that helps you not give up today?  Sometimes it is all I have, and it is enough for today. 

 

Today, I missed the sunrise, I didn’t get the shot, I messed up, fell apart, and cried. But I got up, I got dressed, I drove to the beach, I gave it a go, I acknowledged the pain, and I have chosen to not give up, I am not defeated, and I will try again. And it is still only 8:30am. It is a good day to NOT ‘fail to learn’.

The photo I took in desperation in "Auto" mode 

(PS. I wrote this 4 weeks ago and still haven't picked up the camera again, 

I have a long way to go yet)

To re-knit or NOT to re-knit?

I had never known that you can reuse wool before until I wrote a blog about unravelling and got responses back from people about the power of re-used wool. Until then I thought that once something was knitted together and became unravelled you simply threw it away and started again. The more and more I investigated the idea of reusing old wool that had come unravelled, I became more and more aware of the depth of this process. 

 

A dear and wise friend wrote to me: 

 

“In the unravelling we still have the wool. We lose the shape of what was, but we carry the same wool for remaking the new. All the memories, the experience’s, the lessons, the joys and griefs are still in the wool – it’s not in the shape we loved, crafted, cared for and created though and that’s what makes the heart ache.”

I confess I am not yet anywhere near the “re-making” stage in my life, the unravelling is far too painful, and I cannot yet see any joy in the new. I know it will be a very long process. During the heart ache of this current season, I decided on a project to unravel something I made 37 years ago. Something that I have treasured and had for so long to see if it would help the current healing process. This jumper was to me still perfect, it did not need to be unravelled, it was functional and comfortable and surrounded me with the warmth I needed, so it was hard to decide to unravel it. Yet, this is what happens at times, doesn’t it? It didn’t make sense to unravel a perfectly good jumper, but this was a process that didn’t need to make sense. Sometimes trying to make sense of the “why” is not the correct question to ask, more often we need to ask the question “what next” and this is what this unravelling project was about. 

As I unravelled a jumper I had lovingly made all those years ago, I was surprised as to how hard it was to pull apart. What I thought would simply just fall apart with a few pulls, was not so.

Although it had been knitted so long ago, it was so entwined, that I had to resort to cutting it which caused lots of small pieces of twine. The cutting process was painful for me, yet very real. It took a very long time, I wanted to give up so many times, thinking this is just too hard. And yet I was thankful it was a hard and long process because it showed that something made with such love should take a long time to unravel. If it had unravelled with one pull, it wouldn’t have been so strong and well-made and maybe I would have to question its strength in the first place.  But it took almost as long to unravel as it did to remake something new. This gave me a strange comfort, a validation that the original knitting was not a waste of time, or for nothing.   

Ecclesiastes 4:12 – “A three corded strand is not so easily broken”.  

 

 And yet after a lot of time cutting and ripping and pulling it was all unravelled. All the pieces, in

various sizes.  What was once whole pieces of coloured strands of wool was now all in pieces. What was once knitted together to create a whole piece, a unique design that gave me warmth, shelter, covering, joy, and life was now gone. Some might look at the original jumper and say, well it was very dated, very 80’s, maybe it was time for something new. For me, while I like new things, the old is still special to me and there is something about the love and memories created over time that can never be replaced with something new. But as we are all learning, life throws the unexpected at you and sometimes the old must go, sometimes it is cut, ripped, and pulled away from you and you have no choice but to begin again. 

I was left with the process of tying the broken pieces together to make a new ball of wool, a combination of all the colours, all the threads of the past creation, connected with knots.  

The ball of wool showed its imperfections, its brokenness, and yet the hope of something new that could be remade, rather than the option I had only known before, that it simply needed to be thrown away.

To begin again with the wool that carries all those memories, experiences and lessons, brings the old into the new and creates something better than new.  Or so I have been told. 

 

As I considered what I could reknit, I knew I was not up to re-knitting a jumper. I am not sure how I even knitted the first one, with all its intricate designs. I knew I was only up to making something simple, something that showed me something “new and functional” was possible from these broken strands of wool. 

 
I began to re-knit, to re-use the wool that had been unravelled and created something that now sits on my bed, carrying the memories, the joys, and the griefs of the past. It was all the colours mixed, rather than the colours being separated as in the original design, and yet speaks to me of the hope of something new.  It is not as functional as the original, more of a decoration, a memorial even. This time it was knitted with tears, the original being knitted with love, but none the less it is new. 
 

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, Be present. 

I’m about to do something brand-new” Isaiah 43:18-19

 
To re-knit or not to re-knit, that is always the question? I’m trusting God that the only option is to re-knit and trust in that process. Right now, I am “faking it till I make it”, one day at a time. The new cushion reminds me each day it’s a choice and yet it gives me a smile of the past as I press forward to the new.