What’s your bowl of stew?

I consider myself a reasonably self disciplined person and yet I found myself challenged again by the story of Jacob and Esau (Genesis 25). Esau was the eldest and had the birthright of being responsible over much because he was the first born.  This position was a privilege and huge responsibility and set him up for life really. One day he was so hungry that he was willing to give that away in the moment for a bowl of stew. He was willing to trade the immediate for the Ultimate. “You might ask who in the world would do something as stupid as trade their birthright for a bowl of stew? If you think about it, you already know the answer. We do it every single day?”(Altar Ego, Craig Groeschel, pg 55, Study Guide)

SO, I am teaching this to a bunch of girls one Sunday afternoon and think it is a great question to challenge THEM with.  You know the joy of teaching is that God mostly challenges YOU in the process. As I challenge them to think about “What’s their bowl of stew?”, the question continues to ring in my ears as I leave for home. As I begun by saying, I consider myself a reasonably disciplined person, in things that really matter, so I am feeling reasonably good about this question. I feel I know deep down what is of “ultimate” importance in God’s kingdom and I am pretty good with not giving into the “immediate” in areas like my relationships, my ministry and most of my parenting. So, I sit down to watch a movie and 5 Lind’t chocolates later, I am not feeling to good. I think “why am I eating these, I feel sick and can I really turn off the Movie?”....Of course I can answer this easily “because I LOVE lindt white chocolate and because I would rather escape into a movie, than talk to my kids or husband because right now I am too tired for all that that, effort requires”. Hello, they are my bowl of stew ! 

Ouch.....that didn’t take long. And so what, you might say, there is nothing wrong with chocolate and a movie! And that is true in moderation. But they are my IMMEDIATE temptation and I can see over my life how “over eating” and “escaping into movies” have taken me away from the ULTIMATE, at least for a time. In some ways the fact that they only seem small, is what makes them so dangerous. They are socially acceptable, they don’t cause anyone else damage, they are not sinful acts in themselves, so it is easy for them to become something I can justify. But, If I am honest, I have been battling eating the wrong things for years now. At the beginning of each year I set goals and I generally achieve most of my goals each year, but there is one about losing weight that has been there for 16 years now, it is the only one that has never been achieved.  As for watching movies and TV series, well I suppose the size of my DVD collection may give away that obsession. You know you have a problem when you can’t walk past a DVD store, and even without buying one, you find great pleasure in just flipping through the titles. My family are always dragging me out of those stores.

So, although not a shocking admission, I know. Today I was reminded that even something that seems harmless and socially acceptable can become a distraction from the ULTIMATE, if we are not willing to be honest about answering the question “What is my bowl of stew?”  I am a believer that what is hidden is what becomes dangerous. What is public, is easier to gain accountability for. I also believe that it is only when I go to the SOURCE, to the one that HOLDS me that I have any chance of making better IMMEDIATE choices.

As I work with these Beautiful teen girls about “what is their bowl of stew” I long to create a place for them to be honest with themselves and to feel safe enough to share, to confide and ask for accountability.  But more importantly we might not so easily trade the ULTIMATE for the IMMEDIATE if we knew HIM and HIS ULTIMATE love and purpose for US.  Thanks God, for the reminder today and every day.

What’s you bowl of stew ?

Fresh Eyes

I have had two youth interns over the last 12 months, one from New Zealand, one from the UK. They came to live, serve and learn amidst our faith community.  They both came from positive and vibrant large church communities and strong Christian families. I have to be honest that apart from the opportunity to come to Australia (which I totally get), I wondered what we could possibly give to them, other than a chance to serve in another type of ministry. At first it was a challenge for them both to be in an inter- generational faith community where we did most things across the ages. This was a culture shock to them.

But there’s nothing like fresh eyes to help you see what we have come to take for granted.  After 3 months the first intern said to me with tears in her eyes “I feel like the people of ICentral know me better than anyone knows me back home in the church I have been going to for 6 years”. Her mother came to visit around that time. The 3 of us had been at a conference all week. On the final night’s celebration, our people from ICentral came to join the conference. Her mother saw a difference in her that night, something she hadn’t seen all week and when she asked her why she seemed so happy she replied “My community is here”.

The second intern also said something profound after the first month of her time with us. When I asked her what she had learned so far, she said “I am having a revelation that being a Christian is more about a fun way of doing life with others compared to a Sunday chore” and more recently she said “I feel I have never really walked with Christians before”.

As a result they also blessed and gave us, and me personally so much. By bringing their gifts and time to us, they created a special place in our hearts. Even though they live in other countries, we will always consider them a part of our community. That's the power of true COLLISION.

As a faith community we seek to do life together, not just Sundays. We desire to reach UP to God, IN to each other and OUT to those who do not know God. We have aim to create REAL COMMUNITY in all we do. We have done this across all the GENERATIONS, and found there is so much more we can do together, rather than in separate silos.

We have simply asked the question “What does it take to create environments where the generations can collide?”

Who knew these two youth would reflect back to us so brightly the values we hold so deeply. We can sometimes take them for granted when we are heads down and simply seeking to live them day to day.

Each weekend the females of our community go away for a weekend. The ages range from 7 to 89 years old. I believe only God can bring together such diversity and differences and create an environment of love, acceptance, trust and joy. There was laughter, adventure, tears and growth, wise words, listening hearts and great food, all in 48 hours of temporary community. It doesn’t take much to create an environment like this, just willing hearts and open and FRESH eyes.

2000 years ago Jesus created environments with a community of people. He created spaces for His community where there was food, adventure, inspiration and opportunities to serve others. Jesus led as a great example of living a “Godly life”, He didn’t just talk about it. This was not Sunday centric, but daily. The experiences the disciples had with Jesus became the strength of their community and they knew how to carry on even when He was gone.

What environments are you creating, where the generations can collide? I believe we are called to communities where growth, love and wisdom flow and people of all ages are known and loved and can enjoy doing life together.

To read more about this read “Collide” the book by Tammy Tolman (www.tammytolman.com) or go to www.colide.net.au

What’s in a name?

I have never really liked my name “Tamara”, I always preferred Tammy. I like Tammy, it is soft and not common, but I always felt like I was in trouble when people called me “Tamara”. The other thing I didn’t like about my name was the meaning.

           

Tamara – Palm tree

It was always so discouraging. So meaningless.....which was highlighted when we began to run a camp for underprivileged children.  We wanted to lift them up by helping them see the importance of their name. Leaders would spent time researching a name and speaking into the child positive things about their name. It reminded me that mine was very unexciting. It just wasn’t good enough for me.

For many years now I have struggled internally with NOT feeling good enough. Inside I don’t feel “good” enough, even though in some ways I feel like my whole life I have tried to be a “good” girl. As I have grown in God I know that in him it is not about being good enough, but simply being his child. And yet the internal wrestle continues and does have its consequences.  This “lie” deep inside does all it can to deter me from God’s paths, God’s dreams. It has affected my own self care, as I use this lie to overeat and basically not like myself.

Over my life the wrestle has continued, being amplified over the past 15 years. Lately, I have been sick of going over and over the same issues. I have wanted to be able to move on from them weighing me down. For those who say God is not real and does not guide us I say “do you have eyes to see and ears to listen. God is always speaking, you must learn to listen”.

Let me tell you what I have discovered when I had eyes to see and ears to listen.  (Acts 28:27) I believe if you have an open heart , God puts opportunities in your path, but you have to be able to see them and be open to them. At a time when I was really seeking Him on this matter, I just happen to met up with a friend for another matter all together. She had just come back from becoming a director of a counselling process called NLP. I never heard of it, but when she heard how I was struggling, she offered to work with me for free on my issues. When something is free you don’t pass that up, but mostly I was willing to try anything, even though honestly I was a little sceptical.

I spent 3 hours with her, with my eyes closed and I don’t know where the time went. It was very painful and hard, yet peaceful. One of the key phrases that came out for me was that I couldn’t say out loud “God thinks I am beautiful just the way I am and I am good enough”...I realised that I really, deeply believe that I am not good enough for anyone or anything.

That was a Friday, the next day I went to a woman’s retreat, where the reflections were all about seeds and trees. I saw myself as a grown tree, one that was too old for new growth. I had already felt not good enough to do anything new, I was feeling old and established and maybe it was my time to produce shade for others (not that there is anything wrong with that). I went for a walk and all I could see was old trees, wrinkled, hard, stretched, weary, and burned through fire, stressed. I took photo after photo

As I got closer to them I began to see the beauty, the strength in something that had survived the hard times and was still growing new branches. I saw new trees growing into the old trees as the old trees held them up. I saw the majesty of the old tree, the foundations had not been rocked even when the fires had tried so hard to destroy. At one point I had to back track and God knows I hate to back track (going over old ground). As I did I saw new things and I saw a tree that had seeds all over it.  I felt like God said “you are a seed maker”, I would have missed that if I didn’t back track.

           Something unnamed is being called forth in the depths  ....ah yes the truth takes time to be named and even more time to be accepted.

I was thankful for this time and felt very affirmed in God’s love, even open to something new ...but deep down still feeling like I am still not really good enough.....

The next weekend I was at a summit for something different again where a word was spoken over me. A lady who didn’t know me said she saw “Deborah under the palm tree”. Great, I am thinking, Deborah was a strong leader, she heard from God, she was used in a mighty way. I can be open for that. But she continued to say....”it is something about the Palm tree that is important, but I don’t know what”. A palm tree, are you kidding......I have always hated that image, it is what my name means, boring...sure after the weekend before I was loving trees and seeing trees in a whole new light..but a palm tree.....

The next morning as I decided to study Deborah and the palm tree. I am blown away with what I was seeing. How can I have never seen it before? I have been down this track before. I have read this story before. I loved the strength of Deborah, but why she was under a palm tree, what is the significance of the palm tree in Biblical times....I looked it up.....it means.....

                                   

                             Signifies Good....affection of Good

                            Wisdom which is good from the Lord.

So what’s in a name? Does it really matter! But what I do know is that God can answer our deepest questions, our deepest fears. He longs to guide, to heal, to empower if we are willing to listen. He will use anything, from experiences, peoples words, to nature, even your name to get your attention. He will not stop till you know that you are His and you are good enough!