Do I really want to be like you?

I wrote a children’s song called “I want to be like you”. I love to sing it with kids and teach them about the importance of allowing God to shape and mould us.  I have always considered it was about as we grow and need to be mouldable to His will as we develop and mature, especially for our children. 

 

“The potter moulds and makes, bends and breaks, design me to be, a servant for you.”

 

As I have done the actions over and over again; the bending, breaking, the shaping, the moulding, and the deep desire I have had to “want to be like God” in life, it is something that has been my prayer since I was a child.  

 

I have loved the visual of the clay and the ability to feel it in my hands and imagine shaping and moulding clay as I long to see people’s lives shaped and moulded by Him, and also my own life. 

 

Whoever said the simple promises of God cannot be powerful at any age, is clearly mistaken. This song and its promises have struck a deep chord with me recently and I am not sure I can even sing the song at the moment without feeling like an imposter.

 

I realise that lately I have been that clay that has arrogantly been saying to the potter, “what are you making?” And questioning not only the moulding and making, but especially the bending and breaking of how the Potter has been making me more like Him lately.  We can so easily say, ‘yes Lord, bend and break me’ until He does and then all we can say is, “what are you making?” And to be honest I have been very angry with the Potter.  

 

Isaiah 45:9 

 

“Woe to those who quarrel with their maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherd on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, What are you making? Does your work say, “The potter has no hands?”

 

It would seem I have been doing exactly that. I have simply been saying to God, I am done, I am out, I don't like this anymore and I don't want to be broken and bent and shaped by you any longer.  I am a potsherd - a broken piece of pottery. I am shattered on the ground and I would like you to simply sweep me up and place me in the bin. I am done. 

 

I am ashamed for all those years I have urged children and people to allow God to bend and break them so they can be more like Him. I have prayed that for my life, but now I want to take it all back and say, ‘enough, it is too hard, it is too painful, I simply don't want to do this anymore’. Of course, I still want to be more like God, but I didn't know it would cost this much, and be this painful. To feel so broken and discarded and rejected is so painful. And yet my deeper embarrassment is that I have been teaching this to kids who are living in this space and have been discarded and rejected most of their life. What a hypocrite I have been. 

 

Isaiah 40:29

 

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” 

 

I have been so busy loving and sharing out of my strength and happy to minster from this space, but I realise I am not sure if I can love and share out of weakness. I mean true weakness, weakness that means you are simply ground up broken pieces of clay that sit on the potter’s floor.  The small bits that you simply sweep up and put into the bin. The broken bits that get trodden on and ground down to dust and become simple a gritty pain under your feet. When, you feel that weak and weary, how can He do anything from that? 

 

Genesis 2: 7

 

“Then the Lord god Formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living being.”

 

Hmmm…I mean really, no matter how low I go and long for a valid excuse to say I am finished, dust to be swept away, I have nothing more to give or do, I am just looking for any excuse to not have to do the painful work of being reshaped, remoulded. I certainly don't want to be broken any more. And I certainly don't want to be in leadership anymore where I must sing that song and encourage others to go on the journey of being moulded and shaped and broken by the potter. It is too painful and hard. 

 

When you get to the space and we all do at times, we are faced with a choice. I can either choose to sit in a pity party or I can be open to that fact that even when your life is dust, He can breathe life into it. New life, transforming life, life that you cannot yet possibly see or imagine. Help me to choose to sing: 

 

                   I want to be like you, 

                   I am changing day by day.

                   teach me Lord, and show me how, 

                   to grow to be more like you

                   …design me to be more like you.

 

What is your foundation?

 “If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit - but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock” (Matt 7:25- The Message) 

 

 

So many know the story of the man who built his house upon the rock and the man who built his house upon the sand.  I wonder how many others there are, like me, who read that story and can only think of the song you learned when you were a child in Sunday school.  It’s a great story and a great visual parable that is all too known and familiar. Or so I thought.  I feel like in my 50’s my literal, visual and foundational faith is constantly being rocked, (pardon the puns), or maybe simply it’s the reminder that we never stop learning and what we think is childlike knowledge that we all know, God is always transforming and building upon.  Or maybe He is simply showing me that I am a slow learner. 

 

When I have read and taught this parable all these years, I have always seen the promise of building your life on a firm foundation and when the storms come, and the tornados hit and the river floods, because you have built on a firm foundation, your house will not be moved, it will not crash or crack, it is fixed to the rock. I know that is what the ‘message’ says, and I have taken that so literally that I think it has become a stumbling block for me in recent years. It is the danger with the parables, especially when we teach them to young children who see things so literally. I have been so happy to confidently teach this to kids and adults alike, with no hesitation that choosing to build your house upon the rock of Jesus, you can be assured that what you build will stand firm and not be moved.

 

But the fact remains, that houses do still fall, even when they are built on a firm foundation. Sure, they have a better chance of surviving floods and storms than a house that is built on the sand, but none the less, they still crack, they still move, sometimes they crash down, and sometimes they need to be re-built completely. 

 

So, when we are faced with the real life reality and read the parables and they don't seem to add up, what do we do? 

 

How does one read this story/truth in the Bible, when they are living in the reality of their house crashing down around them?  When from the beginning of building your life, you have desired and chosen to build on God’s firm foundational rock, and while never perfect it is what you endeavoured to do and yet you stand in the rubble of a crashed down house.  The storm hit, the tornado came, the floods flowed through and the house crumbled. This has happened over and over again with people all through time and all over the world, and I know it is the time when many walk away from His stories and truth and look for something else to build their life on. 

 

I am thankful for the ways in which God is calling me to deeper and deeper understanding of His truth and want to ask for forgiveness if I have led anyone astray with my confidant and thoughtless sprouting of these parables and truths as if there is something wrong with you if you are standing in a crashed house and wondering where is God in this space? I know in recent years I have been that person, and the glib answers and prayers that you can be given in these spaces are not helpful, in fact that can be very harmful. It’s why we must know Who is our firm foundation in these challenging times.

 

It is hard to read these stories through the lens of pain, loss and despair, and yet that lens helps us to see truth that we would not have seen before. Words can often fail us and confuse us and yet, if we can sit with them and our loving Father just a little longer, we can see He has so much to show us. 

 

Today, I saw with new eyes that it is the foundation that remains. It is the foundation of who He is and what He promises that is what will not be moved. And yes, all that is built upon it will be stronger and more secure if it is built on the rock, but not everything that is built by man’s hands and plans will stand the test of time and the storms of life.  There is a distinct difference between, what we build into our lives (faithfulness, peace, joy, love, grace, forgiveness etc) because of the Rock we stand on, and what we build from the rock that is here today and gone tomorrow.  The literal one in me wanted to believe that because I have built something here on earth on the truths of the Rock (my God) that it should never crash, fall or crack and that is not correct. The promise of this story is that when what we build here on this earth crashes, falls or cracks, it is the foundation that remains, and the only chance of rebuilding, recovering, remaining amidst the loss and pain that life deals you is what you are left standing on.  His unmovable, unshakable, unrockable foundation. The world can try to take everything away from you, but it cannot take away His love, His faithfulness, His peace, His joy, His grace, His forgiveness … His … you put whatever word there, if it is from Him it will not be moved. 

 

 

“They are foundational words, words to build a life on.”  (Matthew 7:24) 

 

There are times in life when you might feel that they are all that you have, my prayer is to stay on the search for the rest of my life for HIM to be all that I need. 

 

 

I want the road map

It was one of those days on the trip when I had a lot of driving all around a busy city. I had 5-6 appointments/ meetings to go to and I knew that it would be a big day of getting from one place to another.  I looked at each place on google and worked out roughly what timing would be okay, but of course I had never been to any of these places and never driven around this city before, especially in an 8-metre van.   But for me the day began with a sense of excitement, for while I didn't know exactly where I was going, I was excited for the challenge. I didn't give it another thought, until I met a lady before I left who, when she asked about my day and I told her, her first response was, “In that van! Oh my, that’s a big thing to do. Where are you going, can I help you in case you get stuck?” To which my reply was, “I don't know where I am going, I only know where I am heading first up!” She said I was brave and went on her way.  I didn't feel brave at all, I suppose over the years I have just been able to take each step as it comes and enjoy the adventure of it. I mean, I didn’t really care which way “google” took me today, as long as I got there in the end. Today, like the past 4 months really, I have been happy to see where the journey takes me and sometimes the detours or unexpected/unplanned roads I have travelled have been the most interesting and enlightening experiences.  

 

So, the question remains, why is it so easy to drive into the unknown around Australia and not so easy for life in general?  I can have a rough map of where I want to aim for and then set off and see where it takes me when it comes to driving around Australia. I can actually find it quite exciting and freeing. But when I don't know what is around the corner in my life, I am paralysed. 

 

But in my head, I know that when you are walking on the journey with Jesus, you can read the instruction manual, there are helpful guidelines along the way and you know the final destination. He gives you are a purpose along the way and things to do, and says He wants us to have life to the full (John 10:10). Why can’t that be enough, just hit the road and see where life takes you and Jesus? 

 

Ah, no. Instead, I am in a pickle, because I don't know what is around the corner. I can’t see what is next! As if COVID didn't teach us that even when we think we know, we actually don’t. And yet, I am still unable to just go with the flow. I just can’t seem to live life as easily as a road trip and see the adventure of it so much these days and I suspect I am not the only one. 

 

I used to, but that was when I thought I knew what my future looked like.  Like many today, I stare down the future barrel and find so much has been whisked away.  It could be you have no job, no marriage, loss of a deep friendship, no idea what ministry looks like, unsure of income and how to survive, loss of house, children all leaving home or all the above.  Why can’t I see that God’s end game and promises still haven’t changed and find enough assurance in that to simply take the next step in the journey and trust God for the rest? 

 

It seems I not only want the road map, I want it clearly marked out, so I can see every step of the way. To be fair on myself, I may not need to know exactly where I am going when I drive, but I do know at any time I want to know, I can simply talk to ‘google’.  There is an assurance in that for sure. So, I take the approach, ‘I only need to know what I only need to know’.  I feel like that is the approach I have lived by for a long time in most things, which is fine until you find that what you thought you knew has changed and now you have no idea what you know. I think I just lost myself in my own writing and yet I think it makes sense (ha ha). 

 

When we don't know what is next and when the ‘why’ is not clear, that’s when I am learning that I am asking the wrong questions. 

 

“Shift from asking why God allows hard things to learning how to rely on Him in the midst of circumstances that make you resistant to trust”. Lisa Terkusrt  

Yes, I want to the road map and is that such an unreasonable request?  I suspect the key word there is “the”, if I am honest, I want “the” road map that makes sense to me. However, “the” road map has been there since the beginning. It is all there in His word, but it is just not as directional as we would like it or, let’s be honest, it’s often NOT the roads we might personally choose if we were in control. Surrendering to God’s map is what He asks us of all. To let go of your own “road map” and to stop asking why we can’t go in that direction is what we must do. Then all we CAN do is trust Him and learn to be happy with making the next best step at the time, based on where He is leading us.

“Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever."     

2 Cor 4:10-18 The message          

 

“Help me Lord, to only need to know what I need to know and trust you for the rest. Help me to stop asking the “why” question and begin to ask “what next”. Lord, I want to thrive and not simply survive, and that means letting go of what I cannot see and learning to enjoy the moment that is right in front of me, knowing you know the final destination.”