The Bus Stop

It is a beautiful spring morning, the sun is shining, I drive my 15 year old daughter to the bus stop which is maybe a 10 minute walk (at most) so she can catch the bus to school. As I drive up two other cars come from other directions at the same time to converge onto the bus top where more high schoolers jump out. I say out loud, “Oh, look at all of you cotton wool kids” ... to which she smiles, jumps out of the car, looks back and says “Well, whose fault is that? Bye. Love you, mum.”

And again she is right. Whose fault is that? I ponder this as I drive the 2 minutes home. Well it is my fault. I know the answer. I ask myself, “Why do I drive her to the bus stop when she she is old enough to walk and it would be good for her on so many levels?” 

There is this challenging fine line between loving your kids and loving your kids too much! There is the deep desire to want to do things for them, because you can, and then the deep desire to see them want to do things for themselves and others, because that has been modelled to them. As a parent, I find myself asking this question daily. How do I prepare my kids to be all they are created to be and yet show them the unconditional love that hopefully models “love” in a way that helps them see how much their HEAVENLY Father loves them.  And in the everyday matters of life, when does tough love kick in and where do you simply love because He called us to serve?

Man, it is only 8.44 am in the morning ... probably all a little too heavy for one small 2 minute drive to the bus stop. My daughter would be rolling her eyes right now saying “Please, Mum, don’t write a blog about it?” But it is in these times when we stop, even for a moment, that helps us recalibrate the “whys” the “whats, the “whens.”  Why do we do what we do as parents? What is really important here? What do they need to learn? What is the end in mind?  When do they need to learn certain things? When do we stop doing things for them and start doing things with them, to then watch them do it themselves? When do we make changes to help our kids grow up into all that they are created to be?

For every parent the whys, the whats, the whens will be different. There are some guidelines which are helpful and there are definitely wiser people around who can help you along the way, as well as a million books you can read. But no one can parent your child, or can help them grow up like you, because this is the charge you have been given for the short time you have them in your care. The important thing is to actually think about it, re-think and recalibrate, have a plan, scratch the plan, make a new one and then re-think again. It is a moving target, one with no sure answers, but worth the daily effort.

This is you playing a part in developing a “fulfilled life,” a created being, in your care for a short time to nurture. Parenting is the daily walk that sometimes seems like a life sentence and then in a moment you look and your child is 15, wearing your clothes, making the evening meals for you and having deep conversations about what she wants to do with her life.

As a parent I must accept the blame for “cotton wooling” my kids many times. The question is when to take the cotton wool off, bit by bit, until they are exposed and ready to face whatever the world will throw at them. Surely that is worth stopping for moments to check if we are on track? It is not about blame or judgement; we are all guilty of falling short.

“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” (Winston Churchill.)  So, you might want to ask the question of me.  “Will you drive your child to the bus stop tomorrow?”

My enthusiastic response is, “What do you need to stop doing for your children, to start doing with them, to then watch them do themselves in your own parenting?” Only you can answer that for yourself?

The quest for "Happily Ever After"

Why is it that in movies and books we want to see the “happily ever after” and when it doesn’t happen we are disappointed?  Or when it does happen, we still feel disappointed because it is over and we wanted to see more.  We want things to finish up “happily ever after” but are disappointed that the end has come. It is a case of “the grass is always greener.”

I am reading Revelation (the final book of the Bible) and it is a difficult read, yet it talks of heaven and how it is all going to end well.  The visions that John describes in Revelation probably don’t even come to close to what it will actually be like.  One one hand I trust that if God says that He will live among us, that it will be perfect like the Garden of Eden, with no suffering, pain or  sadness.....then it will be so. But on the other hand because I can’t imagine living like that for eternity (which in itself being perpetually happy is so foreign to me), there is a part of me that wonders and doubts at times that it is it even possible.   I want the happy ending but then even when it has been promised to me I am already feeling a little disappointed.

Am I the only one who gets conflicted in this way?

I don’t think so because...   There are many people who simply cannot believe in a “happy ever after” because they cannot fathom it.  They would rather believe that we simply eat, live, have fun and die and that’s the end.

I don’t think so because... Look at the number of movies that keep pushing our ideas of the end times and what happens when the earth is destroyed. i.e A band of warriors inevitably rise up to start again and make things better.

I don’t think so because.... How many people spend their life trying to find answers in science, nature, spiritualism?  They are seeking to work out the answers themselves, thinking they must be able to do a better job than anyone has done in the past.

It is interesting that the book of Revelation was written in a time when the Roman Empire had claimed itself as the divinely intended ruler over the earth, with Caesar Augustus’ rule proclaiming in both political and religious terms:

“it has been ordained that the most perfect consummation for human life is by giving it to Augustus, by filling him with virtue for doing the work of a benefactor among men and by sending him, as it were, a saviour for us and those who come after us, to make war to cease and to create order everywhere.”  (The Books of the Bible, New Testament, Biblica Inc, 2011,pg 425)

Not much has changed and for us to be surprised by the changes in government and culture in Australia today as it heads towards changing the foundations of what is considered “true”, “ethical” and “moral”, is naive. We can be sad about it but not surprised.  In the light of this John wrote to the Christians who acknowledged a different saviour to the world.  John speaks about a God who’s plan has always been for a “happily ever after”. He encouraged the believers that God has the “happily ever after” all sorted out and to hang in there when times get tough and when the culture of the day brings pressure to  compromise or walk away from His truth.

We all know that as a story draws to an end, the final challenge is often the hardest to endure even for those who do get their “happily ever after”. We applaud this in movies like the "Hobbit"  and "Hunger Games". In God’s Big story it is even better because the happy ending will not be because of anything we have done, but rather what Christ has done for us.  It is a GIFT and yet so many still won’t accept it. 

We love to watch the climax unfold on the big screen and squirm as it seems impossible that any good can come from the tragedies and situations and yet by the end of the movie all is well with the world. We love to read about those that overcome and those that we consider heroes and quickly forget that to walk a mile in their shoes during the time when all seemed lost, would be too much to bear for many of us. We want to hear all about the “happily ever after” and yet God has been revealing this “happily ever after” from the beginning of time. Why is it that so many would rather ridicule the concept of a “prefect heaven” and choose to make their own plans rather than to see the HOPE that has and always will be there for those willing to accept His love?  Is it because we can’t imagine what a “happily ever after” really looks like? And if we can’t imagine it or see it then we find it challenging to believe!  He is calling us to simply have faith and trust Him that the “happily ever after” is more than we can even imagine.

John had seen Jesus which is why revelation is so HOPEFUL for him.  Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."  (John 20: 29)

“Then Jesus spoke; I am coming soon! I am the first and the last, the beginning and the end. Anyone who wants to can come to me and they will be forgiven; and those who are forgiven will be happy. They will live in the city of God and enjoy life. Anyone who wants to can come and drink freely for the water of life. I am coming soon”  (Bible.now, Anno Domini Publishing, 2013, pg 318)

Back to the future

Yesterday was the 21/10/15, the year that Marty McFly and Doc Brown flew the Delorian 30 years into the future from 1985 and landed here, in the future. Of course, the funny thing is the moviemakers didn’t get much right about what they thought today would be like. As I sat with a group of kids in an afternoon program we run and talked about what 2045 might look like, which is 30 years from now, I must say the kids didn’t have a lot of positive thoughts about what it might be like. It wasn’t very HOPEFUL. Like the movie makers who didn’t get much right, let’s hope the kids are not correct in thinking that 2045 will be bleak and not very HOPEFUL. We live in challenging times. 30 years is not long. A lot can certainly happen as CHANGE is happening faster as each day goes by.

I decided to have a “back to the future” night with my family. We spent the night around the dinner table, eating together and thinking about what it might be like in 2045.  My husband would be 82 and I would be 77, so we were hoping we would simply be around. Our kids would be the age we are now, so that was an interesting thought. The kids couldn’t imagine being as old as us and what they might look like when they are approaching 50 years of age.

What was more interesting was that when I thought about where I was 30 years ago on this day (1985), I realized I was 17 and doing my HSC, just like my son is doing today. I pulled out the photos of me in the school quadrangle and as it is the same school as my kids go to today, they were fascinated to see their school and me in the school uniform 30 years ago, doing exactly what my son is doing today. My husband was my boyfriend back then and so there were pictures of us dating and being together in 1985. It only seemed like yesterday ...boy, does time fly.

Being a writer even back then, I pulled out letters I had written to friends and my boyfriend (my future husband), my family and generally my thoughts. I loved reading the letters/poems and getting an insight into what I was feeling 30 years ago.

We laughed and talked together as a family about what the year 2045 might look like, what wouldn’t exist?  What would NEVER change!  What we HOPE would change and where we see ourselves in 30 years. Each of us shared what we hoped for in 2045. It was special to think that the things that were most important for us ALL were family, to be happy and to love and serve God with all we have. These things need never change no matter what year it is. They are values that are timeless and they were important to us all. The children shared first and they led the way on these values. It is my daily prayer that these things never change but continue to grow in us all.

I brought out a box and some paper and we all decided we would write to each other and to ourselves to be opened in 2045. Given that there may not even be paper and pens in 2045, we thought this might be a novel idea. My Daughter will be the keeper of the sealed box until 2045 and if we are all around we will open it together. Being the writer/talker she is, her letters will be the longest so it makes sense she will oversee this process.

THEN WE WATCHED BACK TO THE FUTURE 2 TOGETHER AS A FAMILY.

It was a fun night, we talked about the future and the past, but what I loved most about it was the PRESENT. The time we spent together, the conversations, the laughs, the jokes, the listening, the jesting, the challenges, the sharing of fears and dreams, the hearing of each other’s heart, the things that were said that will be forever remembered and the memories we created around the dinner table on the 21/10/15.

Time flies by very quickly. My encouragement to you all is that you take whatever moments you can TOGETHER, be intentional, use every excuse to get together and share life. If a movie made 30 years ago, can help create a night like last night, anything can. What can you plan to do together TODAY?