The Bus Stop

It is a beautiful spring morning, the sun is shining, I drive my 15 year old daughter to the bus stop which is maybe a 10 minute walk (at most) so she can catch the bus to school. As I drive up two other cars come from other directions at the same time to converge onto the bus top where more high schoolers jump out. I say out loud, “Oh, look at all of you cotton wool kids” ... to which she smiles, jumps out of the car, looks back and says “Well, whose fault is that? Bye. Love you, mum.”

And again she is right. Whose fault is that? I ponder this as I drive the 2 minutes home. Well it is my fault. I know the answer. I ask myself, “Why do I drive her to the bus stop when she she is old enough to walk and it would be good for her on so many levels?” 

There is this challenging fine line between loving your kids and loving your kids too much! There is the deep desire to want to do things for them, because you can, and then the deep desire to see them want to do things for themselves and others, because that has been modelled to them. As a parent, I find myself asking this question daily. How do I prepare my kids to be all they are created to be and yet show them the unconditional love that hopefully models “love” in a way that helps them see how much their HEAVENLY Father loves them.  And in the everyday matters of life, when does tough love kick in and where do you simply love because He called us to serve?

Man, it is only 8.44 am in the morning ... probably all a little too heavy for one small 2 minute drive to the bus stop. My daughter would be rolling her eyes right now saying “Please, Mum, don’t write a blog about it?” But it is in these times when we stop, even for a moment, that helps us recalibrate the “whys” the “whats, the “whens.”  Why do we do what we do as parents? What is really important here? What do they need to learn? What is the end in mind?  When do they need to learn certain things? When do we stop doing things for them and start doing things with them, to then watch them do it themselves? When do we make changes to help our kids grow up into all that they are created to be?

For every parent the whys, the whats, the whens will be different. There are some guidelines which are helpful and there are definitely wiser people around who can help you along the way, as well as a million books you can read. But no one can parent your child, or can help them grow up like you, because this is the charge you have been given for the short time you have them in your care. The important thing is to actually think about it, re-think and recalibrate, have a plan, scratch the plan, make a new one and then re-think again. It is a moving target, one with no sure answers, but worth the daily effort.

This is you playing a part in developing a “fulfilled life,” a created being, in your care for a short time to nurture. Parenting is the daily walk that sometimes seems like a life sentence and then in a moment you look and your child is 15, wearing your clothes, making the evening meals for you and having deep conversations about what she wants to do with her life.

As a parent I must accept the blame for “cotton wooling” my kids many times. The question is when to take the cotton wool off, bit by bit, until they are exposed and ready to face whatever the world will throw at them. Surely that is worth stopping for moments to check if we are on track? It is not about blame or judgement; we are all guilty of falling short.

“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” (Winston Churchill.)  So, you might want to ask the question of me.  “Will you drive your child to the bus stop tomorrow?”

My enthusiastic response is, “What do you need to stop doing for your children, to start doing with them, to then watch them do themselves in your own parenting?” Only you can answer that for yourself?