12 years ago, I stood at this place in the Northern Territory and watched my son throw stones into the water. We were on a journey for him into manhood and we were walking with him intentionally to speak into his life and make sure there was key people in his life to walk with him in following challenge teenage years. I look at this picture and I see the wonder in his stance, the focus in the moment of sheer joy and excitement of discovery, the freedom that life was all ahead of him, and anything was possible. It wasn’t until I got up early in the morning to walk here, to capture the sunrise that I realised that this was the exact place I took that photo, 12 years ago.
Now, 12 years later, we are here together again. I look up to emulate the photo all those years ago, but I know I am looking up with a very different process going on in my head. As he takes the photo all these years later and remembers his own journey, I ponder on the journey that has led me here today.
12 years later, I consider what is ahead of me now, in my life, certainly anything is possible, but in the moment, I feel sadness and loss. The longing to be back there 12 years ago and what I could have done differently for me to not be here where I am right now. The thought that back then, I could not even imagine my life taking the turns it has, to lead me here today. It is probably good we can’t see too far ahead in time; it would frighten and overwhelm many, especially me.
But there is also joy today. It is the realization, that I am only here because my son is walking with me. I would not have been able to come here today if not for the confidence he saw in me and the choice he made to come and be with me. We drove through rivers and unpaved roads to be here in the dark, taking risks and being brave together. We found ourselves here, without power and no-one around if we were to encounter trouble and together, we made each other stronger. I would not be able to do this on my own. As 12 years ago he would not have been able to be here then, now the roles are reversed.
This time he is carrying me, giving me strength and love, in a most challenging time in my life.
It is the 360 effect. The one you dream for, but never quite know if it will occur as they are growing up. That time when your children become your strength in a way that you hoped to be for them when they were young. It was a special morning, as I remembered and was able to look at how far he has come and to be so proud and in wonder of the man he is becoming.
It was sad that this is such sad circumstances that he has been able to return the favor for me. To speak love and courage to me, but often that is the case. It takes a whole lot of humility to find myself in this space. To be here with my son, helps me feel secure and feel a small sense of confirmation that I must have done something right, along the track. Or maybe it is simply the grace of God, that gives us what we need, when we need it. Being here with my son is a special gift I will treasure forever.
When you have children, you want the best for them, to give them the solid foundation, to be able to face whatever comes. My deep desire was always that they would have a deep connection with God, who guides and sustains them. Here I stand with my son, at 24 years old and I can only see these qualities growing in Him, and today they are also sustaining me.
I look up, I throw a stone, I consider what is next and I am thankful for those who walk with me. It is a gift to know that in my darkest moments my children comfort me, love me, and stand alongside me in the pain. I no longer take that for granted but am thankful for their actions that show me so. We don't know the future; I was foolish to think 12 years ago our future was assured. I was so certain back then that I had all that my children needed to provide a safe and caring environment. But life takes turns and twists we cannot see it where it will take us. When the rubber hits the road and our faith, and love for each other are tested, it is often in the hardest of times that true loves shows itself. I thank God for this moment today, a chance to not only re-capture a memory but to transform it, to come full circle, 360 degrees. To go from mentor to mentee……. I humbly celebrate my son and his presence in my life and am thankful for both of my beautiful, amazing children today.
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