suffering from a "Good" heart

There is a BIG difference between a “good” heart and a “God” heart. It is just a matter of dropping an “o” when you write it, but to walk it in your daily life, takes alot more thought.

Mark 1:35-39 says... 

While it was still night, way before dawn, he got up and went out to a secluded spot and prayed. Simon and those with him went looking for him. They found him and said, “Everybody’s looking for you.”

^38-39 Jesus said, “Let’s go to the rest of the villages so I can preach there also. This is why I’ve come.”

Everyone wanted Jesus. The disciples wake up to find Jesus is gone and there are people crowding the small village looking for Jesus. Their good hearts wanted to respond to the need and there was so much to do right in front of them, but Jesus says “Let’s go...for this is why I have come”. He had a “God” heart. He had spent time with God and knew what he was called to do. Yet, with people right there wanting to hear what He had to say and be healed, why didn’t He start there? It must have baffled the Disciples. I personally would have felt guilty walking away. That’s the difference between a “good” heart and a “God” heart.  

I know I suffer from it and wonder about all the things I have done in the name of a “good” heart that God actually never asked me to do.  A good heart can be swallowed by needs and we end up doing things we are not asked to do, but worse, that we are not “called” to do.

Knowing what God calls you to do, is not something I have found to be always easy to navigate. Knowing His commands is pretty straight forward, but walking with Him and hearing His voice is quite another. I have sought to hear His voice for most of my life and as I reflect back on my life, I wonder how many times I have got it wrong. It is understandable that when in doubt, we default to simply doing the “good’ thing. So we choose to serve with a “good” heart and with the best of intentions. I don’t think God punishes us for that, in fact He can bring “good” out of anything, but we mustn’t be fooled into thinking that even the best of people can’t be taken out by a “good” heart. If the enemy can’t distract you with addiction, or sin, or laziness, or apathy he will keep you busy doing all the “good” things you can so you can’t do what God actually called you to do. 

The hardest thing about the “God” heart, is that it is not often very logical, so some things  God calls us to do, can seem not to be the “good” or even “wise” thing to do.  We admire those in the Bible who serve with a “God” heart, but would we make the same choice if in their situation?  Abraham taking his son to the altar, David not killing Saul when he had the chance, Daniel being thrown in the lion’s den because he would not bow down to the King’s Idol, Joseph helping the butler and the butcher and still ending up in jail, Ananias going to see Saul who killed Christians on sight, Paul being thrown in jail for refusing to stop talking about Jesus. The list goes on, the difference between a “good” heart and a “God” heart makes a HUGE difference to what we “DO” and “DO NOT” do.  The only way we can walk this path is to learn to listen to HIS voice. And yet many of time I have heard someone say “God told me,” and personally I have wondered what planet they are on.  Yet, if I am honest, I have so many doubts as I reflect on my past. I have wondered how many times I have suffered from the “good “ heart . My prayer is that I so don’t want to be taken out by a “good” heart, but rather live long and make choices out His heart, a “God” heart.

I am thankful for the words of Thomas Merton who is not only much older and wiser than me and yet still prayed....

“My lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself. And the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in everything I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire and I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road. ... I will not fear for you are ever with me.”

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude