Focusing on the IF to see clearly

The last few years I have had to wear glasses for reading and close up work. I had what they call "20/20 vision" until I was a 45 years old. I now know that it has been a blessing. So, the whole “clean glasses" thing is new to me and seeing clearly is something I have much more respect for. Again, it is not until you have to experience something yourself that you really can learn from it. 

I am amazed how easy it is for your glasses to get dirty and how seeing through a “sploch” or a mark on your lense can be frustrating and yet how easily you adapt to the skewed view if you are not careful. Maybe because I am taking them off and on all the time it is more challenging, but either way it is a constant adjustment and one that makes me appreciate “clear" vision more and more.  There are times when I just put up with “blurred” vision, because I can’t be bothered cleaning my glasses again or I can’t be bothered taking the time to adjust my view to see clearly. Like many I suspect, it is only when I cannot see at all, that I will make the changes required. It requires more effort to see clearly, but it is worth it in the end and when my lenses are perfectly clean (which I have yet to find an easy way to do), it makes a real difference. 

I am amazed how many people publicly post "out of focus" photos. Photography can reveal so many things, when you look more closely at something that looks OKAY at a distance but when you zoom in, it is out of FOCUS or at least blurry. 

I think about this when I read the Bible. When I read something that is not clear, and is actually frustrating, I have the choice to roll over it and forget it or actually stop and make the effort to really understand what it is saying, to make the effort to try and see clearly what message God is trying to teach me.  I realise that looking through dirty glasses, or blurred vision, or even being out of focus is very easy.  It is the reason why there are so many interpretations of the Bible and I know it will be something we all have to continue to work at our whole lifelong faith Journey. 

Ephesians 1: 18 (The Message) 

I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

Just recently I was reading in Numbers, the story of the talking donkey. I read over these chapters again and at a quick read I was puzzled as to why God seemed to be changing his mind and sending mixed messages to Balaam. 

Numbers 22:20 (NIV) 

“That night God came to Balaam and said, “Since these men have come to summon you, go with them, but do only what I tell you.”

Numbers 22:22 (NIV) 

“But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him.”

Within the space of 2 verses, God seems to be saying you can go with them and then He changes and seems to be very angry that Balaam went. Here is where, if we are not willing to delve a little deeper, question, clean our focus and ask God to help us see clearly, that we can easily get confused, disappointed, doubtful and even cynical, or worse use it to justify our own behaviour all in the name of God. If God can change his mind, then can I trust Him? 

I am thankful for different versions of the Bible and for scholars much smarter than I, processing and asking these questions that I can lean on when I can’t seem to make sense of something. All I am required to do is question, take the time, clear my focus and ask for God’s focus in all situations. 

It is amazing how one little word can make all the difference and to focus on this helped me understand so much more about this story. The NIV version of Numbers 22:20 seems to have lost a little in translation as it has replaced “IF” for “Since”. Digging a little deeper showed me that God was not happy with being asked again the same question, after He had already given His answer. I know as a parent when I have answered the question but the kids keep coming back, hoping I would change my mind, I must admit I feel a little angry as well. Sometimes I dig in and feel stronger about saying NO, and yet other times I give in and hope that they learn the lesson another way. But we are human and God is God, so something else is going on here.  

Numbers 23:19 

“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind” 

He is not changing His mind, He was testing Balaam and Balaam clearly hears what he wants to hear and does what he wants to do anyway.  So the men do not come to Balaam, because he doesn't give them a chance to.  He doesn't wait for that, but eagerly packs up his stuff and heads off with them. Oh, the times when we are guilty of that, hearing what we want to hear, knowing deep down  we shouldn't be doing something, but hoping God will be gracious and bless it anyway. 

Balsam is so blind to what he wants to hear, whether it be for the reward that has been promised, the adventure that sounds fun, the desire to be wanted, the chance to get some attention. Either way, it seems that when his donkey starts talking to him along the road, his desire to do this trip blinds him to the fact that maybe God is trying to talk to him or warn him or even challenge him!  No, Balaam is just angry that the donkey is making this journey difficult. 

You can see how the little word “IF” now has even more power. It changes the whole story, the whole focus. "IF" he WAS doing what God wanted, then this trouble with the Donkey could be interpreted with God being a liar, someone who changes his mind, someone who plays with us and sends mixed messages. But, because of the word “IF”, it shows that God is trying to get Balaam’s attention as to who is really in control. “What are you really doing this for? What is your real motivation? And guess what?. I am going to use this for MY good even though you have not obeyed my commands. The angel finally gets Balaam’s attention, as the Bible says “The Lord opened Balaam’s eyes” (Numbers 22:31) and helps him to see clearly, to get God’s focus. Balaam now knows, embarrassingly so, that God will use this situation for His Glory, and not for Balaam’s gain. 

So, Balaam now with a clear focus serves God’s purposes and blesses God’s people, much to the disgust of Balak and without personal gain for Balaam (Numbers 24:10-14).

As we ask God to help us see clearly what He wants to teach us, I am reminded to take the time to go deeper and seek His truth. I am challenged to make sure my focus is cleaned regularly, for fear that like Balaam, I might NOT settle for seeing only what I want to see, hearing only what I want to hear and using God’s truth to justify my own behaviour and desires. I am encouraged to see that like Balaam, when I do lose focus, God will graciously forgive me and can still use my mess ups for His glory. I love the reminder that God cares for us so much that He will use anything to get our attention, even a talking donkey, and pray I may not be so blinded like Balaam, that when that happens I can see it for what it is, God trying to get me to FOCUS on HIM. I am challenged that a little word like “IF” can make all the difference to gaining focus on His TRUTH. 

It's Impossible!

I have a loft office, which is so wonderful, and I have to admit there are many days I don't want to come down from the loft to do menial things like cook or tidy the house.  The challenge with a loft office, with a beautiful winding wooden staircase up to it, is furnishing it.  I got a second hand desk this weekend, which was very exciting, until we thought of the practicalities of getting this large “L” shaped desk up the winding stairs into my office.  There were 4 guys (the brawn) and me, and I must say there were a few in the party who thought it was an impossible task. Once we realised it didn't come apart, it was either try the impossible or take the desk back.  

I must say, I do love a challenge, a task that seems impossible. I love giving it a try, especially when someone says it can’t be done. I planned to be the photographer and capture whatever was about to happen, as I was ready for anything, but that was not to be so as we needed all hands on deck. 

It might be hard for me to describe to you, to impart the full impact of this task, but I will give it a try. When the boys first walked in, they thought we were mad for even considering the task, and like most things if it is not your own experience, the impact is not there as it was for us. 

It’s a funny thing when you are faced with what seems an impossible task. It is interesting to see different people’s reaction to the problem.  We all worked together well and listened to each other, there were many silly comments flying around, ropes being tied to places and many theories being discussed. We finally decided to give it a go and use the open cavity that a winding staircase creates to lift the desk into, balancing it and sliding it all the way up on the railings. (Note to self - when sliding a heavy desk along a wooden railing, best to put towels or something to protect the wood. Oh well, just the beginning of the casualties that were about to occur). 

Once we had reached the limit of the boys’ arms, standing on chairs, on the lower level, to hold the desk in the free airspace, there was a little element of panic. We had navigated the first corner and now had the desk balancing on the railings, hanging in the air with no way to hold it from underneath, which left a couple of us on the second level holding it from above. It was now wedged in the air, with someone tying it off against the railing, and we still had another 180 degree turn to do with an “L” shaped desk. It was literally like playing the game of “Tetris.”  I was wedged in the corner, holding my end and thought if I could open the window, and stick my end out of the window, it might make more space for turning, I pulled the screen off, it dropped to the ground and I opened the window to get a little movement, but it was not enough. 

I could see the scrapes on the walls, the dents in the railings and my husband with sweat pouring down his face and a look of “this is not going to happen”.  My son was getting some tools to take off a part of the railing and the rest of us were all simply holding the desk so it didn't fall to the floor below, taking out the railings and Dave’s little wine cellar directly below us.  It is in these moments that what we do next really counts.  How do we handle this situation? What next?  I must say while Sam was taking off the railing, it gave us all 5 -10 minutes break. Although we were still holding the desk, it wasn't heavy, and we were all able to take a breath, give it some space, think a little and even laugh a little about the situation we had got ourselves into.  I quickly asked someone to take a few pictures, as I knew a blog was forming out of this experience, whatever the outcome.

At this stage putting the desk back down was going to be just as challenging as trying to turn it. Considering the situation, we were all quite calm on the outside. I would have loved to know the thoughts of everyone. I think I know the thoughts of my husband, though not sure if I would have liked to hear them out loud at the time.  But for me, I was standing there, thinking, “we can’t go back, we have come so far, there has to be a way. This will be so disappointing if we can’t solve it!”  

Well, I think time and space is always a good thing, a little rest and a place to re-qroup. We got towels for the next set of railings (we learned from our first mistakes) and started again to move and wiggle and turn the desk. Finally when we thought it was just not going to happen, one of the guys simply said, “surely if we turn this way, it should just slide in,” and as we did, no one could quite believe what we were seeing. The desk simply slid right through the door and into my office. 

We jumped around the room in celebration. We couldn't believe we had done it some were still in shock and disbelief.  The final step seemed so easy, we couldn't believe what had just happened. Within minutes we had gone from being completely stuck with no hope to the task being solved so simply.

It required team work, listening to each other, a few casualties along the way, a time to rest, re-group, space to step back and look at the problem from different angles and then sheer determination and commitment.  What seemed Impossible, ended up being possible and the experience finished with a great sense of achievement in the end. 

My favourite verse is Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”, but I know that this task had nothing to do with this verse and to quote it would be to lessen the promise of its real meaning. Not even “With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26) is correct, although I have to admit they are the first things that come to my mind when I think about this experience. But, I know that the moment we found ourselves in the “impossible thinking” place, was the vital time which made a difference to the final outcome. We can quote all the Bible verses in the world, but in the end, it is our frame of mind (and God certainly helps us in this space), the importance of others, the value of listening to others and of doing our best without panicking  whatever happens, which leads to things that seem impossible at the time, actually happening.  And the more we experience this, the more we see that is possible, in all aspects of life. 

I know that a common saying I speak out all the time to my kids and in leadership is “There must be a way.” I wish I could say it to myself more often, but I do believe your frame of mind makes a difference to what is actually possible.  I am also thankful, that I serve a BIG God, who shows me daily, that what is possible with me, is nothing compared to what is possible with HIM.  What is your frame of mind when faced with a challenging task? What stops us from doing the seemingly impossible or more importantly, what helps us face challenges in order to see the impossible happen?  

When your "phone" becomes your "dummy"!

Sam when he was 1yrs old

When our kids were young I would say they LOVED their dummy. For a number of years they thought they needed it to keep them calm, safe, or maybe that is just what we wanted them to believe.   They had cute names for it and we just wouldn't go anywhere without it. When they were very young I would tie it to their shirts, so when it fell out it wouldn't get lost, or dirty and was protected, ready to be inserted when necessary. Now this may say more about my parenting than the kids’ dependence on a dummy to help them feel safe and calm. 

Of course we knew it wasn't something that they needed or that was good for them in the long run, and it didn't take long before we devised a strategy to help them to be weaned off it. We knew it would eventually stop them from talking, developing their social skills and being able to communicate well with others, as well as being seen as a grown up rather than being a baby. For Georgia in particular, this was never going to stop her from talking, but she did love to be pacified at times when emotions were out of control. Georgia was very quick to substitute her thumb, which cannot be taken away, so we persevered with the dummy longer, so she didn't get dependent on her thumb, which is always accessible.   

We got over that stage of life and now that my kids are 16 and 19, I think they have not been too scarred by having a dummy when they were young. At least, I thought so, until I saw the visual of my 19 year old, coming out of his room this morning, still half asleep, in his “pj’s,” walking towards the toilet with his phone in his hand. It reminded me of when he was little and walking around with his “nummies” in his mouth. 

Funny how the phone has become the modern dummy. And this is not just for children. This is any age.  I see people of all ages walking everywhere with their phones in their hands, not being able to put them down or feel they can function without them.

They have become our modern pacifier. I know my children say I am a “techniphobe", but I don't believe that is true as I see great value in the phone.  But it is important for us to be able to make a call (see the pun) when our phone has become our pacifier, so much so that we begin to disengage in life around us.  Technology is a wonderful tool when we are in control of it, when we use it for good. But like anything, there is the potential for a dependence and distraction that is unhealthy. 

I knew when my kids were young, that a dummy served its purpose for a time and within reason, but we needed to eventually get control of the use of it, not the other way round. For a child, when a dummy hinders development, communication and the social ability to be able to relate to others then I think we would all acknowledge that this is not healthy. Children very rarely go to school with a dummy. By the age of 5 it is not something they use in public. They may still need help calming at night, but this is a process they are learning to get personal control over.  

I took this in a cafe just recently

In 2016, the phone has become that for many people, and not just in private. It seems socially acceptable to have a phone in just about every aspect of life, always on, always accessible. I believe it is getting to the point where this is hindering communication, social relationships and for some their own personal development. This is ironic, as the phone was originally designed to be a tool of communication. But, it is very sad to see the disengagement I feel l am continually fighting face to face with people, as I compete with the phone for people’s attention. I am talking about when our phones become our pacifier, our escape, our place to retreat to, our main connection points, our space fillers. And this is not even addressing what we are actually looking at when we go there. That is a whole other blog.  At least with a dummy for a child, it actually takes them to a “zen” state, a “dummed” down space, where they simply calm down, as opposed to what we today are doing on our phones in these spaces of escape.  

But to stay on track, like in most things, we simply need to have self-control and be willing to ask ourselves: “when has our phone become our dummy?”

Here are some times that I check myself as to whether my phone has got too much power over me: 

• When we are with friends around a table and we would rather be engaged on our phone than the person across the table from us.

• When we feel we can’t go to sleep unless our phone is beside us, ON.

• When the first thing we do when we get up in the morning is check our “notifications”. 

• When we are in a meeting and feel we just have to have our phone beside us (on silent) so we don't miss that ting, ping or message.

• When we panic because we have not sent out our snapchat story for the day.

• When we feel an experience is not complete unless it has been shared on Social Media.

• When we feel naked or incomplete if we have lost our phone, or left it at home.

• When we go to a place that gets no reception and we start to shake with anxiety because we are not connected. 

• When we are spending time with God and we just have to answer the phone. 

• Do I control my phone use or does it control me?

You might have some other good checks that I have missed. I’d love to hear them, but most important, are you willing to ask the question?