When "crap" literally gets in the way

I have always been fascinated with the sunrise. Something about watching it creep up and

say “hello”, turning darkness into light, and especially over the beach.  That moment when you can see the sparkle it puts on the water.  It is as if you can reach down and touch it. It is in that moment that I feel more connected to the sun, even more connected to my Creator.

I haven’t noticed it before but early in the morning as you walk along the beach the sun’s beam follows you as you walk. Sometimes leading, sometimes walking beside, sometimes slightly behind, but always close. I suspect if someone else was walking one mile behind me it would also feel the same for them. It is amazing that the sun can feel so close to everyone at the same time.

As the sun goes higher and higher, it no longer feels so close. I know it is always there, it is just harder to feel as close to it. But you know it will come close again the next morning … if you are willing to meet it again that early. It is important that the sun keeps moving.  The whole world needs to it too.  It is the sun’s job, but those precise moments when you can draw close to such a force is “life-giving”.

I think that’s why I love an early morning beach walk so much ... so why is it then that I only do it once or twice a year?

Cause “crap” gets in the way, even when you make the grandest plans. 

So just recently, I planned to take my camera and watch the sunrise. I was staying right near the beach, so I thought this was a no brainer. I got up at 5:50am in the morning to capture the sunrise with my camera. It is not so easy for me to get up early. It takes more effort than I want to give in the morning but I am never disappointed. I got dressed and ran down to the beach. I had found a good position, poised ready and set with my camera to capture the moment. It was so beautiful, watching the colours change in the sky. I knew it wouldn’t be long now, the sun never disappoints.

Asthe sun starts to creep over the edge of the world, I feel a sensation in my lower region and know exactly what it meant. OMG, I need to “poo”. Okay, clench hard, hold it in, this too will pass, I am staying here, this is where I want to be.

So, I am taking photos and trying so hard to ignore the urges that are getting stronger and stronger and not going away. This one is persistent. Seriously, why now? I can’t hold it in. I take as many photos as I can and then stand to walk back to my cabin.  I am walking backwards, taking photos and hoping I can control this urge. But it gets the better of me and it is not stopping. I run back to my cabin and the explosion into the toilet is impressive. But sorry to say that some did not make it to the toilet! I have the stains to prove it.

Now I interrupt this story to apologise if I have offended anyone with my detail, but it is strange that we don’t talk about it much. After all, it is a part of daily life, it comes and goes every day and it is NOT a nice substance. Yet we cannot escape it, in fact it MUST come and go each day or we will be in trouble.

When we need to “poo”, it is not a surprise. For some it is a relief, for some it is a pleasure, and for most it is simply a necessary part of life. Maybe if we talked about it more it might help us realise that “crap” is a part of life and we cannot escape it.

Try as I did to hold it in, make it go away, pretend it didn’t exist, stop it from getting in the way of my special sunrise experience, it took over and took me away from the one place I wanted to be. And left me with a yucky remainder of what I now had, in place of the relaxing moment on the beach alone with my camera and the sun.

So when “crap” happens and wants to spoil the moments, you always have a choice.

My choice … 

I got changed and walked back to the beach. The sun was still there, beaming, as if waiting for me to return. I spent two more hours, walking, exploring, taking photos, watching the sun follow me, sometimes lead me, sometimes right beside.

Have you ever wanted to spent time with God, had a plan, and “crap” gets in the way? Of course you have. Any time you want to spend time with God, do the right thing, seek out good things, expect “crap” to happen. It is important to know it will come and go and still the “son” will always be there when you return.

That morning it happened again in another form. Someone rang up to bother me about a vacation deal while I was enjoying my walk with my God along the beach.

My fault, you say?  Yes, I made the choice to answer the call in the middle of my beautiful walk with the sun. The world always finds a way to disturb you with things that are a distraction particular to you.  A holiday, a getaway deal ... I am a sucker every time. You might even ask, why do you take your phone with you, if you didn't want to be distracted? Well, I need it to get my steps counted, so I earn more Qantas points so I can fly for free on my next vacation ... oh, the “crap” that surrounds us, the ways we justify the distractions. 

For all of you it will be different. So, what’s your crap? Can you name it? It might help if you expect it. It will come and go, and yet you always have a choice ... to keep choosing to move closer to the “Son”, the one who never leaves, never fails and never gives up on you, always loves, always cares and walks with you every day.

Sticky Faith

This past month I was creating a heart wall mural of our wonderful community; pictures of the many wonderful memories and things God has led us in over the years. But mostly it was all about the people. I got the guys from the men’s shed to make wooden tiles, the designer in our midst to set the photos up, someone to paint, and others with accuracy and precision to stick them up so that they were perfectly placed to form the shape of a large heart on the wall. 

It was a project close to my heart and when the last tile was placed on the wall with double sided industrial tape, which the hardware man swore would hold them there securely, it was a sight to see.  It was so beautiful; the colour, the memories, the joy, the visual, the delight we shared as we stepped back and saw the heart and even more joy as it drew us closer to see the smiles, the faces, those with us and those who have moved on, the many who have called us HOME at least for a while.

 

Finished Mural

So, you can imagine my distress, when I arrived the next morning to discover that the tape didn't stick and many tiles had fallen to the ground.  Of course, the tape didn't stick to the wall, but it seemed to have no trouble sticking to the floor and sticking some tiles to each other. And so many were ruined, ripped by sticking to each other, dented and chipped by the fall. I was so saddened by the visual. 

So, I did what anyone would/ should do … I sought to find something stronger that would stick them to the wall. The next thing the hardware man recommended was liquid nails. It seemed to work better but each day I would come back to find more tiles had fallen off, were ruined, bent and ripped. I did have spares but they were running out, and how sad it was to see the beautiful photos (people) who had fallen and were ripped and couldn't be put back up again. Someone suggested we leave a few spaces free to remind us of those who are yet to join us, so we left 4 spaces.

Well, a month has gone and this weekend I entered the building to find 4 more had dropped off, even with liquid nails. It really affected me. No-one else seemed to notice, dare I say “care” that day. I suspect they knew that I would fix it, eventually. I know others are not as visually stimulated as me, but I am currently left with trying to find a solution to making sure that none of the tiles fall off again. 

I wonder, will anyone else notice?  Will anyone care enough to ask how they can help to make the tiles stick? I wonder what will eventually be sticky enough so they never fall off again? I wonder if there are some that need to come off and stay off? I wonder if it is like the FAITH journey …. many start but all do not stay? I wonder how sticky our methods/message must be. Or are there some people who will never let it stick? I wonder who we are to listen to for advice on how to make things stick? I wonder what substandard glue we are using today, that was never, ever going to work but we keep using it, over and over again and hope that the result changes? 

So much to wonder about. So much I don’t know. But I tell you what I do know. I will not give up until I find out how to stick those tiles on the wall so they don't come off. I will replace the bent and broken ones and even put some of the broken, chipped ones back up again, because they continue to tell the story. And maybe that is all we are asked to do … continue to tell the story, seeking to celebrate the joys and people, accepting everyone, chipped and bent and even broken, and keep seeking to refine the methods/message so that it sticks as well as it can. We must also accept that they are some who just won't allow themselves to stick and we simply must miss them dearly and love them all the same. 

What do we do with our scars?

Just recently my husband accidentally burnt me with a cigar. He doesn't smoke them often, but when you are in Cuba it is hard not to have a go. In his haste of looking at things in a market we were in, he forgot he was given a cigar and that it was in his hand. He turned toward me and the cigar went straight into my arm.  It really hurt and I walked around the rest of the day with an ice cold water bottle on my arm. But we did laugh. It was such an accident and he felt so bad, I could only see the funny side of it, knowing my husband. I took a photo of it and sent it to the kids straight away.

He felt so bad he kept asking me how I was and it was fun to play on it a bit. After a few hours it was fine, but it was going to leave a scar for sure.  

For the next 7 days afterward, it was still looking really sore, so I started putting pure vitamin E oil on it each night. It is amazing stuff and each morning I would wake up and couldn't believe the difference in the healing simply in one night. 

I joked with Dave, that I considered leaving it and not putting the healing balm on it, so I would be scarred for life and when people asked what it was, I would have a good story of my husband burning me with a cigar. Or worse I could play on it and get his sympathy and guilt for the rest of my life with a scar like that.  At one point it was looking better and then I bumped it and it started to bleed again, that was a good time to let David know what he done to me….. again. 

But, instead after 3 weeks it was completely gone, simple by putting the right healing balm on it each night. 

After 35 years of being together, believe me there are deeper scars we both carry, more painful than a cigar burn. It made me think about the scars we carry on the inside and the outside and how quickly they can become the story we hold onto for all the wrong reasons. 

It is a choice what we do with our burns or the painful experiences. We can carry them like an open, painful scar, in order to guilt or shame the one who caused it. We can choose for it to become our victim story, the battle scars we get to tell anyone who will listen, for sympathy or attention. We can chose to use the battle scars as excuses to not venture out and try new things as they are dangerous. We can choose to look at our scars and hold anger and bitterness, that if someone can do that to me, then I can do it to someone else. 

Or we can choose to seek the healing balm that not only takes the pain away, but in some cases can make all things new as if it never happened. 

For many of our deep inner scars it will take more that "Pure Vitamin E oil", but I do know that with the right healing balm all things are possible. The hardest part is the choice, to walk towards healing and not in the other direction. I want to say that there is even more that is possible. When the healing has become so complete that it is not just healed, but has become something more beautiful. Like the refiners fire, more beauty is found only once something has gone through the fire and come out the other end.  But it doesn't have to stop there either, for when that healed scar is so strong it is able to help others who are wounded, it becomes a gift and privilege. This has been my experience over the last 20 years with many of my scars, although I have many more I am working on.  

The greatest gift is that we don't have to do this alone. Christ has been my healing balm, for the deep inner hurts that simply come with life. But I know that the key on my part is to CHOOSE to lean into Him and be willing to use the correct healing balm and to use it regularly. That is why Dave and I can joke about a cigar burn, because we know the real healing power of Jesus’ grace and love and forgiveness in our own lives and in our marriage and it is truly a gift. 

So what do you do with your scars?