A mothers rant on sex and love

As I sat and watched one of my favourite Aussie TV shows with my family, I was saddened as the young teen character decided that after ‘weeks’ of going out with his new girlfriend, they ‘loved’ each other so much that they wanted to have sex together. She was leaving town very soon, because she was only here on vacation when they met, so before she leaves they decide that having sex would be the best way to say goodbye to each other. 

He talks to his dad about it and while the father’s first response is “are you sure?” which indicates a little reservation, the son’s reply is “but I love her.”  So, the father and everyone in the family encourage him to “be safe” and “have a good time.” 

I am so sad that something so important in life (i.e love and sex) is seen as something so flippant. I know it is just the norm now. If you want to and it feels right, just do it. The teens I minister with think I am too conservative or think I don't know what I am talking about when I say, “wait.” They simply feel they know better. 

I have been married for 29 years and still my marriage and sex life, while wonderful, is certainly not simple or just a “bit of fun.” True love is complex and hard work and true intimacy is worth all the required self-sacrifice and other-centeredness that comes with it.

So, I ask, “How can you know in three weeks you really ‘love’ someone and simply see sex as, ‘if it feels good do it?’ I don't think the world is being honest as they disconnect sex from the deep emotions that go with it.  

The world tells us that the key is to “be protected” 

A poster I saw in the doctor’s surgery the other day said this: 

"Because sleeping with one person is sleeping with  many" 

So as a result the NSW Health Care's advice is: 

“Wear a condom and check for SDI’s whenever you start with a new partner.” 

There is nowhere on the poster that says there are other alternatives, no mention of the emotional scars that might result from giving yourself to many partners, and no sense that something so precious is really worth waiting to share with one person for a lifetime. 

I sit on the lounge with my 16 and 19 year olds and feel worried for the world they are in where the only morals we are allowed to talk about are, “if it feels good do it.”

It was interesting that when the father on the TV show wanted to talk in detail with the boy about what he was about to do, the boy was embarrassed and ran away. Interesting how somehow they can't talk about it with anyone and yet feel they are old enough and mature enough to actually do it. It is the same with the young people I work with. They won't talk about how they feel and what they are doing but are happy to give a precious part of themselves to anyone who gives them some attention. 

I know this is a topic no one really wants to talk about and yet relationships and love are the bases of nearly every movie, every book, every TV show, most songs, and the list goes on. Love and relationships are at the very core of who we are, the need for love and safety, for trust and acceptance, and yet no one seems to see that most of the problems we have in society today are due to the abuse of love, the lack of it, the misunderstanding of it and the deep need we have to acquire it. 

So how can something so deep and important to us have become so abused, misused and shallow? It seems if we make out that it doesn't really matter, then we fool ourselves into believing we won’t get hurt. 

I know it is not a new thing. It has always been there under the surface, but the changing culture even from when I was young, finds us in a place where it is even the ‘norm’ for Christians to sleep together. I am simply laughed at, to believe that to stay pure for your wedding night is even possible, not to mention that it is God's preference and desire for us all to commit to one person and to love them for a lifetime. 

I am simply sad for those who will never know that kind of love. For me, true intimacy is a glimpse of the way our Father in Heaven loves us; jealously and purely, unconditionally, completely, holding nothing back, sacrificially and completely other-centered.

I have been with my  lifelong partner for over 30 years. We have a long way to go to get close to “true intimacy” as stated above, but the adventure and rewards are worth it. It is a love like no other and I know that God longs for that for all his children. 

In John 4, the woman at the well was looking for love. She was so thirsty for love that she searched for it in many men. When she met Jesus, He said, “Anyone who drinks from this well will thirst again, but anyone who drinks the water I give, will never thirst again.”

If we give our love away so easily, how will we ever understand the pure love God longs for us to have with Him: not multiple Gods, just one jealous God who wants ALL of us! The Devil revels in watering down that kind of love. 

I am not sorry if this offends or sounds like a rant. If most TV shows, movies, books, songs, magazines, not to mention our Health Services, who are considered authorities we should listen to today, can so easily make statements about the way we should view sex and love, then surely I have a right to do so as well. If our young people are never given an alternate story, how will they ever know there is an alternative, a different way, a way that our Creator/Father made us so we might enjoy life to the full. (John 10:10)  

Is it Biblical to DO or GO to Church?

I heard a preacher say just recently as he was speaking in a bigger church building and talking about the old smaller building they used to meet in…."how did we ever DO church there?”

I know it was just a throw-away line, but I got stuck on it. Language is a powerful thing and I couldn't help but ask, “Is it even Biblical to DO Church?” In fact is it even Biblical to “GO to church?” 

I know in some ways you might feel it is petty arguing over semantics, but it brings me back to the way we define church?  We must be challenged to keep coming back to the Bible and aligning ourselves consistently to HIs truth.

Our definition of the church helps us to understand if we are called to DO church or even GO to church. 

When I looked up the Oxford Dictionary’s definition of the Church, I was shocked.  It said “a building used for public Christian Worship.” So here lies our problem. We have let the world conform us instead of the consistent renewing of our mind from God.  This would be the first thing that rolls off all our tongues when asked “What church do we GO to?” or “Where do you DO church?” The most common answer is to state a building or a denomination.

Again, you may say I am arguing over simple semantics. We all know what we really mean, but do we? There is something we have seriously lost when the world believes that the “church” is a building and when Christians believe that to “DO” church is to go to one Sunday meeting a week. We need to recognise when our language is not helping our own faith walk as well as the “light” we are called to be to the world. 

The word “church” in the Greek is ekklesia, which simply means “called out people.”  The church is His people, the body of Christ (Eph 4:4, 1 Cor 12:12, Col 1:18). We are called to be His Temple here on earth (1 Peter 2:4-8), living stones to be built up as a spiritual house (1 Peter 2:5), with Jesus as a cornerstone (Eph 2:19-22).  We are His bride (Acts 20:28, Eph 5:25), the one He gave Himself for, that He might present Her to Himself a glorious Church, holy and without blemish. Christ doesn't have a harem of all different churches that we can choose to GO to. He has ONE church; His church, his bride, a called out people, called to be HIs light in the world (1 Peter 2:9, John 1:4). 

So, I ask again is it Biblical to DO church, 

or is the Church called to DO? 

It is Biblical to GO to church, 

or is the Church called to GO?

I believe our language, as subtle as it is, has confused things over the years.  It has caused us to change, or I would say at times, lose focus of what we as the CHURCH are called to do, challenged to be, what our daily life must look like and what it means to BE the church to a world that is lost. I am not saying that we are not called to gather together and build each other up as the Body of Christ because, being together as ONE body is vital to be a strength in this world. (Hebrews 10:25). We are limiting God’s plan when the definition of “Church" for many Christians is ONLY “a building used for public Christian Worship” (Oxford Dictionary). We are limiting God’s truth when we simply talk of GOing to Church or DOing Church rather than BEing the Church in the world.

When we really seek the Biblical truth and it gets into our heart, it has the potential to change everything. As God renews and transforms our minds to His truth, what would it change for you to change your language to … being a “called out people" who GO and DO as the Church in this world. Is that more a biblical view of the “Church”?  How would that change what you DO and where you GO today?  

For me it changes everything. Church is not where I GO or what I DO. I am the Church, wherever I am, whether two or more are gathered. I long to be a light in the world that shines towards Christ, in my marriage, my parenting, my friendship, when I walk along the road, when I go to the shops, in the way I spend my time, my gifts and my resources, when I post on social media, when I sleep and when I wake and even when no-one sees me. I am a “called out person” desiring to be His light to a hurting world.

Actions Speak Louder than Words.

There’s a lot to take in when you visit India for the first time. The colours, the sounds, the crowds, the traffic, the food, the smells, the culture.  A clear standout when in India is the hospitality and friendliness of the people. Everyone smiles, wants to help, wants to do everything for you and is eager to care for you. People want to serve you, even to the point of standing over you to put food on your plate. They don't allow you to do anything; carry a bag, move something, make yourself anything. At first it was overwhelming, as I realise how independent I am, and then I sat back and thought … “this is a beautiful quality to have as a whole nation”. 

It is not just the people who know you, it is perfect strangers.  We walked into a village and the elder of the town, a wealthy, busy Hindu man was not happy to simply say “hello.” We went into his house, his wife and mother fixed us tea and coffee and snacks and we had a lovely chat. The times we spent in peoples’ houses and having tea and sweet snacks was amazing.  No one is ever too busy to stop and chat and have a drink together. I know you might think this was because we were westerners, but as I watched people everywhere, it was something most people were doing. It really is a part of their culture. In a busy, bustling town this slower pace of priority of relationships, drinking and eating and chatting together was very key. 

After 4 days, I was getting used to it and allowing time in all we had to do each day, knowing that this was going to be a part of our everyday. I was starting to learn to account for it, expected it even. We had had 2 full days of Ministry by then and it was all going really well, as we met so many beautiful and passionate Christians. Which is probably why, on day 5, I was taken aback with an experience I had. 

I felt privileged to be asked to speak in a Bible College as they are the future Pastors and Leaders and this is great opportunity to talk about children, families and doing life across the generations. To be able to spend the whole day with college students, training and doing some workshops with them, is a wonderful opportunity. The day began with Chapel. They asked me speak for 25 minutes and share something inspirational with all the college students and lecturers. I gave it my best and yet very quickly I knew that it was going to be hard work.  There was very little response and everything about the environment felt a little rigid and formal, two things I am not.  Straight afterward, we had been asked to join the lecturers in the lounge for morning tea. 

As the whole team (there were 5 of us) walked in, we were ignored. The lecturers and teachers were in one corner and there was an uncomfortable silence in the room as we quietly made ourselves a cup of tea, hoping that was an okay thing to do.  It was a shock to the system, as I was just getting used to be always overwhelmed by such open friendliness and conversation. Here was a group of Christian leaders who were teaching the next generation about how to share the Good News to their world, and they literally pretended we weren't in the room. I could understand it a little bit more if it was just me, a woman (although there were women lecturers in the faculty), but I had my husband beside me and they ignored him as well. It was all very uncomfortable. I decided to be bold and try to approach a few people and make conversation, but it was very cold. We couldn't wait to get out of there.

It didn't upset me. It was just a shock in the light of the past 4 days.  But it did remind me a little of how Jesus must have felt when he was near the Pharisees in His day. It was a very sad reflection on “Christian Leaders.” For the remaining time in India I never experienced this at any other event  or ministry opportunity we were a part of. I know this is not just something that would happen in India, as it is something I have often experienced across the Christian World in a number of countries. 

For me, again it was a personal reminder and challenge of who we are called to be, how we are called to reflect His love to everyone and the importance of being welcoming and loving, even if we don't always agree with the other person. I don't want to sound judgmental, as I know I must always work at being more open, loving, accepting and friendly. It reminded me that our actions do really speak louder than words. 

R Rohr says, “Education is different from transformation. You can have three PHD’s and still be in the Kindergarten of enlightenment”

We must never feel so educated, intelligent, superior, right or even too busy that we cannot be willing to smile, offer a kind word and at least be polite. Surely this is the beginning of being the light of the world?