Actions Speak Louder than Words.

There’s a lot to take in when you visit India for the first time. The colours, the sounds, the crowds, the traffic, the food, the smells, the culture.  A clear standout when in India is the hospitality and friendliness of the people. Everyone smiles, wants to help, wants to do everything for you and is eager to care for you. People want to serve you, even to the point of standing over you to put food on your plate. They don't allow you to do anything; carry a bag, move something, make yourself anything. At first it was overwhelming, as I realise how independent I am, and then I sat back and thought … “this is a beautiful quality to have as a whole nation”. 

It is not just the people who know you, it is perfect strangers.  We walked into a village and the elder of the town, a wealthy, busy Hindu man was not happy to simply say “hello.” We went into his house, his wife and mother fixed us tea and coffee and snacks and we had a lovely chat. The times we spent in peoples’ houses and having tea and sweet snacks was amazing.  No one is ever too busy to stop and chat and have a drink together. I know you might think this was because we were westerners, but as I watched people everywhere, it was something most people were doing. It really is a part of their culture. In a busy, bustling town this slower pace of priority of relationships, drinking and eating and chatting together was very key. 

After 4 days, I was getting used to it and allowing time in all we had to do each day, knowing that this was going to be a part of our everyday. I was starting to learn to account for it, expected it even. We had had 2 full days of Ministry by then and it was all going really well, as we met so many beautiful and passionate Christians. Which is probably why, on day 5, I was taken aback with an experience I had. 

I felt privileged to be asked to speak in a Bible College as they are the future Pastors and Leaders and this is great opportunity to talk about children, families and doing life across the generations. To be able to spend the whole day with college students, training and doing some workshops with them, is a wonderful opportunity. The day began with Chapel. They asked me speak for 25 minutes and share something inspirational with all the college students and lecturers. I gave it my best and yet very quickly I knew that it was going to be hard work.  There was very little response and everything about the environment felt a little rigid and formal, two things I am not.  Straight afterward, we had been asked to join the lecturers in the lounge for morning tea. 

As the whole team (there were 5 of us) walked in, we were ignored. The lecturers and teachers were in one corner and there was an uncomfortable silence in the room as we quietly made ourselves a cup of tea, hoping that was an okay thing to do.  It was a shock to the system, as I was just getting used to be always overwhelmed by such open friendliness and conversation. Here was a group of Christian leaders who were teaching the next generation about how to share the Good News to their world, and they literally pretended we weren't in the room. I could understand it a little bit more if it was just me, a woman (although there were women lecturers in the faculty), but I had my husband beside me and they ignored him as well. It was all very uncomfortable. I decided to be bold and try to approach a few people and make conversation, but it was very cold. We couldn't wait to get out of there.

It didn't upset me. It was just a shock in the light of the past 4 days.  But it did remind me a little of how Jesus must have felt when he was near the Pharisees in His day. It was a very sad reflection on “Christian Leaders.” For the remaining time in India I never experienced this at any other event  or ministry opportunity we were a part of. I know this is not just something that would happen in India, as it is something I have often experienced across the Christian World in a number of countries. 

For me, again it was a personal reminder and challenge of who we are called to be, how we are called to reflect His love to everyone and the importance of being welcoming and loving, even if we don't always agree with the other person. I don't want to sound judgmental, as I know I must always work at being more open, loving, accepting and friendly. It reminded me that our actions do really speak louder than words. 

R Rohr says, “Education is different from transformation. You can have three PHD’s and still be in the Kindergarten of enlightenment”

We must never feel so educated, intelligent, superior, right or even too busy that we cannot be willing to smile, offer a kind word and at least be polite. Surely this is the beginning of being the light of the world?

Stop yelling at me

It is always a great day when your son comes and asks for “help”. It is a sad day when you realise that just when you think you are helping, you are actually failing.

I could see my son shut down as I thought that I was answering his question and helping him. Here I am, thinking I am giving such good advice and something he really needs to hear, because, if he is asking for help, he must be willing to hear what wise counsel I have for him. But no, instead he is zoned out and then became quite withdrawn.  I could see I wasn't helping. 

No matter how I tried to backtrack, say it differently, it didn't matter, he was gone (in his mind anyway). 

Suffice to say, the night didn't end well and we all went to bed feeling a little down.

The next morning I went into him to ask him how he was feeling, as I knew how I was feeling and it wasn’t too positive. I love my son and hate to think we are not on good terms.

I asked him "what was not helpful about last night" and he said, "well, I wanted your help and all you could do was yell at me”. This confounded me, as there was no yelling, not even a heated conversation or harsh words, from what I could I remember, unless I missed something or blocked it out. It is not that, that hasn't happened many times, regretfully, but I was certain that this wasn't the case last night. 

As I have reflected later, there was definitely no yelling.  Yet it made me think that communication is an interesting thing. Here I think I am talking and yet my son feels like I am yelling. It didn't matter if it was because he didn't want to hear what I had to say. It didn't matter if what I had to say was completely helpful. It didn't even matter if it was the truth. What matters is that all he heard was “yelling”. 

When I thought I was trying to empower and challenge, Sam heard judgement and that he wasn't doing well enough. 

When I thought he was asking for my help regarding “big picture thinking”, he was asking for some “little practical keys” to help him get started. When he asked for help I thought he wanted to talk about it, when all he wanted was for us to practically do it together. 

So what could seem loving, even wise counsel to one person can simply sound like yelling to another. That is the scary part about communication. 

Richard Rohr in his book “Falling Upward”  talks about the fact that….. 

“from your own level of development, you can only stretch yourself to comprehend people just a bit beyond yourself. Some theorists say you cannot stretch more than one step above your own level of consciousness, and that is on a good day."  (2011)

The irony of our conversation was that the help Sam wanted was about an assignment he had to write, on “How to bring about change and what a leader must do well to help that process?” 

Whoops……fail !!

If only I could have stepped back out of the conversation at the time and been able to do it so differently we may have had a different outcome. It takes good leadership to do that on the run, assessing as you go as to what someone needs to help them make changes, and that's of course when two people are actually on the same page. It is even harder when they are poles apart. Both Sam and I had the same desired outcome, we just missed each other completely. 

We re-grouped in the morning and worked out a plan forward. And eventually I was able to help him. 

But we both learned a little bit more about the kind of communication and listening that is required to actually help others and bring about change. Let’s hope he does better in his assignment than I did that night!

Focusing on the IF to see clearly

The last few years I have had to wear glasses for reading and close up work. I had what they call "20/20 vision" until I was a 45 years old. I now know that it has been a blessing. So, the whole “clean glasses" thing is new to me and seeing clearly is something I have much more respect for. Again, it is not until you have to experience something yourself that you really can learn from it. 

I am amazed how easy it is for your glasses to get dirty and how seeing through a “sploch” or a mark on your lense can be frustrating and yet how easily you adapt to the skewed view if you are not careful. Maybe because I am taking them off and on all the time it is more challenging, but either way it is a constant adjustment and one that makes me appreciate “clear" vision more and more.  There are times when I just put up with “blurred” vision, because I can’t be bothered cleaning my glasses again or I can’t be bothered taking the time to adjust my view to see clearly. Like many I suspect, it is only when I cannot see at all, that I will make the changes required. It requires more effort to see clearly, but it is worth it in the end and when my lenses are perfectly clean (which I have yet to find an easy way to do), it makes a real difference. 

I am amazed how many people publicly post "out of focus" photos. Photography can reveal so many things, when you look more closely at something that looks OKAY at a distance but when you zoom in, it is out of FOCUS or at least blurry. 

I think about this when I read the Bible. When I read something that is not clear, and is actually frustrating, I have the choice to roll over it and forget it or actually stop and make the effort to really understand what it is saying, to make the effort to try and see clearly what message God is trying to teach me.  I realise that looking through dirty glasses, or blurred vision, or even being out of focus is very easy.  It is the reason why there are so many interpretations of the Bible and I know it will be something we all have to continue to work at our whole lifelong faith Journey. 

Ephesians 1: 18 (The Message) 

I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

Just recently I was reading in Numbers, the story of the talking donkey. I read over these chapters again and at a quick read I was puzzled as to why God seemed to be changing his mind and sending mixed messages to Balaam. 

Numbers 22:20 (NIV) 

“That night God came to Balaam and said, “Since these men have come to summon you, go with them, but do only what I tell you.”

Numbers 22:22 (NIV) 

“But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him.”

Within the space of 2 verses, God seems to be saying you can go with them and then He changes and seems to be very angry that Balaam went. Here is where, if we are not willing to delve a little deeper, question, clean our focus and ask God to help us see clearly, that we can easily get confused, disappointed, doubtful and even cynical, or worse use it to justify our own behaviour all in the name of God. If God can change his mind, then can I trust Him? 

I am thankful for different versions of the Bible and for scholars much smarter than I, processing and asking these questions that I can lean on when I can’t seem to make sense of something. All I am required to do is question, take the time, clear my focus and ask for God’s focus in all situations. 

It is amazing how one little word can make all the difference and to focus on this helped me understand so much more about this story. The NIV version of Numbers 22:20 seems to have lost a little in translation as it has replaced “IF” for “Since”. Digging a little deeper showed me that God was not happy with being asked again the same question, after He had already given His answer. I know as a parent when I have answered the question but the kids keep coming back, hoping I would change my mind, I must admit I feel a little angry as well. Sometimes I dig in and feel stronger about saying NO, and yet other times I give in and hope that they learn the lesson another way. But we are human and God is God, so something else is going on here.  

Numbers 23:19 

“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind” 

He is not changing His mind, He was testing Balaam and Balaam clearly hears what he wants to hear and does what he wants to do anyway.  So the men do not come to Balaam, because he doesn't give them a chance to.  He doesn't wait for that, but eagerly packs up his stuff and heads off with them. Oh, the times when we are guilty of that, hearing what we want to hear, knowing deep down  we shouldn't be doing something, but hoping God will be gracious and bless it anyway. 

Balsam is so blind to what he wants to hear, whether it be for the reward that has been promised, the adventure that sounds fun, the desire to be wanted, the chance to get some attention. Either way, it seems that when his donkey starts talking to him along the road, his desire to do this trip blinds him to the fact that maybe God is trying to talk to him or warn him or even challenge him!  No, Balaam is just angry that the donkey is making this journey difficult. 

You can see how the little word “IF” now has even more power. It changes the whole story, the whole focus. "IF" he WAS doing what God wanted, then this trouble with the Donkey could be interpreted with God being a liar, someone who changes his mind, someone who plays with us and sends mixed messages. But, because of the word “IF”, it shows that God is trying to get Balaam’s attention as to who is really in control. “What are you really doing this for? What is your real motivation? And guess what?. I am going to use this for MY good even though you have not obeyed my commands. The angel finally gets Balaam’s attention, as the Bible says “The Lord opened Balaam’s eyes” (Numbers 22:31) and helps him to see clearly, to get God’s focus. Balaam now knows, embarrassingly so, that God will use this situation for His Glory, and not for Balaam’s gain. 

So, Balaam now with a clear focus serves God’s purposes and blesses God’s people, much to the disgust of Balak and without personal gain for Balaam (Numbers 24:10-14).

As we ask God to help us see clearly what He wants to teach us, I am reminded to take the time to go deeper and seek His truth. I am challenged to make sure my focus is cleaned regularly, for fear that like Balaam, I might NOT settle for seeing only what I want to see, hearing only what I want to hear and using God’s truth to justify my own behaviour and desires. I am encouraged to see that like Balaam, when I do lose focus, God will graciously forgive me and can still use my mess ups for His glory. I love the reminder that God cares for us so much that He will use anything to get our attention, even a talking donkey, and pray I may not be so blinded like Balaam, that when that happens I can see it for what it is, God trying to get me to FOCUS on HIM. I am challenged that a little word like “IF” can make all the difference to gaining focus on His TRUTH.