Gathered in His name

The door opens and they drift in over time. Some bring much, some bring nothing, some bring home cooked , some bring frozen, some come late. All is acceptable and appreciated and there is always an abundance.

Some come expectant, some come ready to give, some walk in hesitant and others not sure. Some are completely oblivious to what is going on at any time and some create warmth and love wherever they go. All is acceptable and appreciated and there is always abundance.

It is the smile across the table, the comfort of a hug, it is sometimes the conversations and then sometimes simply the silence. It is listening to natter that is important for someone to voice, and then other times a pointed conversation that guides and challenges. It is knowing that whatever you bring to this safe place, there will be above all, acceptance, grace and love.

There are teens who cancel other opportunities to choose to be there. There are singles who find family when we are together. There are grandparents who love to be with the energy of youth and young people who love to make the elderly laugh. Where the widow is not only embraced, but highly valued and cared for. Where men truly listen and speak into the young men’s lives about things that matter. Where the woman teach us by the way they live out their lives with grace and humility, in the simple things of being fantastic cooks to the complexity of life’s pressing issues. They don’t all huddle together in their own age groupings, for they long to connect with everyone. There are no devices at the table, just the desire to engage, eat and share their week together.

It is simply a Sunday afternoon in my house. I love to open my house to the faith community I belong to and sit back and watch God enter as we commune with Him and each other. It is our act of worship and prayer. There was no formality, no official words… but God was there. He was glorified and we were all uplifted by being together. He brought peace, filled our tummies and souls and we are stronger by being together.

“Whatever you do in a state of love, communion, connection and union with God and others is prayer.”           

(R Rohr)

It is a prayer beyond 2 dimensional words. It is 4 or 5 dimensional. I could not manufacture this, nor could I create this, plan or organise it. The only thing I am asked to do is to open the door of my house. The only thing we are asked to do is to walk through the door, bringing what we have, big, small or nothing at all, but simply come. It is when we come, He meets us.

It has been said “Ït takes a village to raise a child”. I agree! But who decides what the village looks like? To be honest if the church doesn’t don’t take the question of “who decides what the village looks like?” seriously, then we can’t complain when someone else does. So, when 50,000 young people are leaving the church per year, when are we going to consider what the village must look like? Well, I know what type of village I want to be a part of and this Sunday was a reflection of what it means to live in a village that reflects His love. It is a village I have seen raise my children. There is nothing flash about it, it will never make the news, or probably draw thousands, but it will draw those who want to, to live deeply together and in Him.

My greatest and only sadness of that day was those who did not come, those who cannot come, those who will not come, those who are too busy to come, those who don’t accept His invitation to commune and pray together. My prayer is for us in this faith community, that we never take for granted what He continues to bless us with and that we never hide it and conceal it, for He calls us to share this love wherever we go. We are simply called to “open the doors” and “open the eyes of our heart”, acknowledge and thank Him for our time together, which gives us strength to be His light in a world that longs for acceptance, love and grace.  

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:20)

I didn't sign up for this?

I went to a wedding on the weekend where they had written their own vows. It was very real and raw and after a series of beautiful statements and some challenging ones they said “even when you disappoint me”. I noticed there was a bit of an awkward giggle in the crowd, led by a loud outburst from one of the groomsman, as the statement clearly took him by surprise and it certainly left an impression on me. Don’t misunderstand me it was a stunning wedding and the couple were deliriously in love, but as I have pondered over this the past few days, I was very encouraged to hear a young couple start their marriage journey stating that they know it is going to have its tough moments as well as it’s wonderfully joyful ones.

Marriage is always very challenging, especially in the first year and it is natural when we disappoint each other or even feel like it is all falling apart to think “hey, I didn’t sign up for this?”. But, to put it bluntly ... Yes, we did. We stand at the altar and speak out our vows and state our commitment to each other in sickness and in heath, for richer or for poorer. We say these vows in the romantic space of a wedding ceremony, as a bride looking beautiful in our dream dress; lovingly gazing into the eyes of the one we love, never imagining at that moment that he could disappoint me or that I would disappoint him. We never expect that months into a marriage these vows will actually be tested.

According to Mark McCrindle,” The rate of marriages has dropped by over 40 per cent since 1968.” I sense that many today are choosing to not go on this adventure at all. They are making the decision not to sign up at all. So in this climate I understand many choose to run, escape, or quit. I understand when things get tough why couples who feel like it is all falling apart might feel like “this is not what they signed up for!”. It is in these spaces that our commitment is not only stretched but also has the potential to be strengthened. The sad thing is the number of relationships today that don't get past this space to see the beauty that comes from riding the storms together.

If we go into any relationship, be it marriage, work, friendship, a faith community, having a child, being a family etc... Without our eyes wide open to what we actually signed up for ...we set the relationship up for failure. 

This newly married couple were brave enough to aim to start with a realistic view of what was ahead. It seems to me the only way we can begin to tackle these mountainous challenges is to start by acknowledging that this is what it is, a big adventure that will have many challenges and as many high points. 

One of my kids' favourite stories when they were children was "We're Going on a Bear hunt." It would continually say ..."We're going on a bear hunt, we're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day, we're not scared"... and then as they ventured out and they came across obstacle after obstacle after obstacle they would say..."we can't go over it, we can't go under it. Oh No, we've got to go through it" ... and off they would go, facing each obstacle head on each time. If only life was as easy as a kids’ story book. 

"We're Going on a bear hunt" by Micheal Rosen

I mean who “chooses” to go looking for bears with such joy and determination, knowing full well it is dangerous and will be challenging? And yet the truth remains; relationships, especially marriage, is one big adventure, and we will face obstacle after obstacle if we are going to go for the BIG one. Like the book, we need to venture out knowing exactly what we signed up for, expecting obstacle after disappointment after frustration and together choosing to go through them. All worthwhile adventures have them. We can't go under them, we can't go over them, oh no, we just have to go through them. It is only when we go through them that we have a better chance of catching the BIG one. 

After 28 short years of marriage, I can attest to it all, and that it is definitely worth going through it all, even though there have been many times when I have felt like… "I didn't sign up for this!"

Tammy Tolman : If you could walk a mile in my shoes

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